


a touch and go of don't know what to say.

by oceanaa



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Pen Pals, Slow Burn, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceanaa/pseuds/oceanaa
Summary: Dear Evan Hansen,Do you remember me? We used to write all the time in 7th grade. Some dumb school assignment. I found our old letters, was wondering how you’d been? I sometimes miss our talks.When his mom hears about Connor reconnecting with his old middle school pen pal, Evan, it snowballs into a plane ticket across the country to a nowhere town in Michigan.After snowball fights and documentaries and awkward piano playing, they’re left with more feelings than either of them want, and more tension than either know what to do with.
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Heidi Hansen, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 16
Kudos: 104





	1. prelude

The old cardboard box was crushed, three layers of tape holding its edges together, a film of dust coating the top. It was a little beat up, probably from being shoved under his bed for over four years. There were sharpie scribbles on the top, pointless doodles surrounding the words _7th Grade_ in his mother’s neat print. The doodles weren’t from her, obviously, and were done in a blue sharpie while the writing was in black. Connor must have gotten his hands on a blue sharpie without Cynthia knowing, because she definitely wouldn’t have given it to him herself. The top of the box was sealed with more tape, which he quickly cut through using one end of the scissors in his right hand. 

The only reason he was opening it now was because of some mostly-faded dream from the previous night. Or, maybe it was less a dream and more just waking up with a half-forgotten memory lingering somewhere in his subconscious. It was just the partial feeling of superficial closeness, and a childish, gap-toothed smile captured in an awkward school picture pulled out of a plain white envelope. 

Once the box was open, after a cloud of dust settled, Connor started to rifle through the contents. There were a few school projects, including a paper mache volcano and a fold-out map of the town.But what he was looking for was a yellow envelope full of folded sheets of paper, and, hopefully, that photo he woke up thinking about. He found it at the bottom of the box, and yanked it out with little care for the other contents. 

_Evan_

It was a simple label for a boring envelope, but it made Connor’s grip on the envelope tense. He shoved the box closed again, kicked it back under his bed, and climbed up to dump the envelope out. 

There were a few dozen letters that fell out. Some were postcards, but most were neatly folded, handwritten, all starting and ending exactly the same. 

Back in seventh grade, his class went through the process of finding another seventh-grade class across the country to be paired with for pen pals. Connor was paired with some kid named _Evan Hansen,_ some kid from a small town in Michigan. 

He didn’t know a whole lot about Evan, but he knew he lived with his mom, he knew he liked nature and wildlife, and he knew he had never been to California, where Connor lived. Or rather, he remembered these things as he read through the letters. He couldn’t remember what he wrote in return to each letter, but he was almost smiling by the time he was done. For just a few minutes, he was back in seventh grade, back in that bubble of having a friend to talk to, before the pressure of high school took over and growing up was more than just an extra hour of homework and taking the bus home alone. 

It didn’t take long for Connor to grab a pen from his bag and a notebook and start to write. Evan’s address was written in one of the first letters, and while there was no guarantee he still lived there, Connor was motivated by something, some half-assed wish to reach out to someone. 

He started the letter exactly the same way the ones from Evan began, the format they were given at the beginning of the assignment. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Do you remember me? We used to write all the time in 7th grade. Some dumb school assignment. I found our old letters, was wondering how you’d been? I sometimes miss our talks._

_It’s Connor. By the way._

_Connor Murphy._

_I hope you have the same address._

_Write back_

_Sincerely, me_

It wasn’t much of a letter, but Connor deemed it good enough and went to go borrow an envelope and stamp from Larry’s desk. He barely looked over it before shoving the slip of paper inside and then going out to stick it in the mailbox. He almost changed his mind at the last second as he turned up the bright red flag to signal there was an outgoing letter inside, but he shook off the uncertainty and stalked back inside. 

Evan probably wouldn’t even reply. It was more likely than not that he lived somewhere else now. But just in case, Connor had scribbled his address at the end of the letter. Just in case. 

But if Evan didn’t respond, that was fine. Connor didn’t care either way. (Except he did.) 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Senior year was a lot like junior year, only there was twice as much pressure, his cast caught half-hearted looks, and somehow everyone felt like they were just a few seconds ahead of him in time. It was like somewhere between that branch and the dry summer grass, Evan had lost half a minute of time. Like he had to stumble to catch up, but it would be forever impossible. 

Or maybe that was stupid, and Evan should focus on just walking home instead of thinking about weird things like why senior year felt so different. To distract himself, he hurried on a little further to check the mailbox. Maybe his mom received a package or some particularly interesting spam mail? 

What he hadn’t expected was an envelope with his name and address in a handwriting that ignited intense nostalgia and longing he hadn’t thought about in years. He clutched the letter to his chest as he practically ran inside, going straight to his room where he dropped his backpack and sat down at his desk immediately, the letter clutched tightly in both hands. 

But he couldn’t do it. He left it on his desk and trudged to the kitchen to find a snack, shoulders slumped and hands twisting in his hoodie’s sleeves. There was too much riding on the possibility of what a letter from… Well. 

Three minutes was all it took for Evan to drop everything and run back up to his room to tear open the envelope.

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

The words were the same. The handwriting was actually sloppier, but still in all capital letters, the same way Connor wrote in middle school. Evan had to set it down for a moment. It was almost too much. 

He picked it up again a second later and read through the rest. 

And then read it again. 

And again. 

And then Evan rushed to grab a pencil and notebook from his desk and started and restarted a reply until he was satisfied. It took three fails, but on the fourth, he had a decent letter. 

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_I also missed talking to you! And of course I remember you. You would be hard to forget. A penpal assignment, to mimic some book we read. That’s why we started writing._

_I have all of the ones you sent me. They’re in a box in my closet, because that’s where everything goes, right?_

_High school is different. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m not sure I like it. How are you? I still go to school with Jared, if you remember me mentioning him._

_I haven’t moved, because that would be expensive and hard and I don’t think Mom would like that._

_I missed you. I hope you’re doing well._

_Sincerely, me_

He stared at the letter for a prolonged minute, and though his hands were shaking, he managed to find an envelope in his mom’s desk and a stamp, too. The stamp was crooked, and his hands were shaking as he wrote Connor’s address on the front, but somehow in the hailstorm of nerves, he managed to get the letter out to the mailbox. 

Then he tried not to start waiting for a reply that very second. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

A week went by with no reply and Connor was starting to have serious doubts about the whole thing. Maybe Evan moved. Or maybe he got the letter and through it was stupid so he burned it or flushed it or maybe even posted it online to make fun of him. Who writes a letter to their middle school penpal after not talking for five or so years? Pathetic, much? Getting on his own nerves was a talent of Connor’s, apparently. 

He took a breath for the millionth time. Three days to get to Michigan, assuming Evan wrote back immediately, three days to get one back to him. 

It was fine. He shouldn’t be so worked up over it. 

He would give it one more day. He didn’t know anything about Evan, so maybe Evan was busy, maybe he started school at a different time so he was busy or maybe he skipped a year and was already in college. Maybe his mom would write back instead? Or his dad? How weird would that be? Evan never really mentioned his parents in the letters from middle school, though. 

The next morning rolled around slowly, and the day was even slower. It was the first week of school, a Thursday.  Weird, but at least it made the school week shorter.  Connor already went the other two days, since the year started on a Tuesday, so he decided to skip. 

The day dragged by. He just killed time as best he could while avoiding glancing outside to look at the mailbox. 

It took till a little after 4 pm for the white and blue van to pull up, linger by the box, then drive away. Connor heard its engine and waited till he couldn’t hear it anymore before getting up to go check. He did his best to feign causality, though why he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t like anyone knew. 

A wave of relief overwhelmed him when he saw the envelope with Evan’s handwriting. It looked shaky, like Evan was nervous when he wrote it. Connor had to consciously not smile in case someone was watching, and waited till he was back in his room to tear it open. He was so hasty he almost ripped the letter inside in half, and read it so quickly he had to go back and reread it just to make sure he read everything right. 

The first thing he noticed was the handwriting. It was the same as the ones in the envelope from the box under his bed. Small, almost shy letters, scribbled hastily as though someone was watching and the writer didn’t want them to see. He read the letter four times in total, then read the last few lines twice more. 

He was missed. 

It was a cute thought, sweet and overly soft, but the voice in the back of his head ruined it. It wasn’t like he deserved the sweet words, and Evan didn’t even know him. 

He read the last line again, this time with a slightly more closed off point of view. Evan was probably just being polite. That was the more realistic likelihood. 

But at least he knew Evan was there. 

His response took some grit to write, since really, Connor didn’t think he would get this far. But he took a breath, grabbed a pen, and started to write. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Glad you didn’t move. It’s good to hear from you. I have your old letters too finding them is what sparked me into hitting you up again._

_I would describe high school as majorly sucking. Does Jared still suck, too?_

_Sincerely, me_

Again, he rushed to send the letter, then cursed himself for not including a phone number or email or something easier than snail mail like it was a century ago and they didn’t have the luxury of more instant forms of communication. 

There was always next time, though. If Evan responded again. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan stared at the letter in his hands, trying to very pointedly not grin. It was just a letter. A second letter. From... Connor. But his nerves wouldn't subside, Evan knew that, so he bit his cheek and tore open the letter carefully. He read it repeatedly, just like the other one, and immediately set to writing. Connor had sent a short letter, but Evan's got out of control, nerves driving him to keep writing even if he wanted to stop, to be calm, normal. Not chattery and lame.

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_I'm glad you reached out. Really glad. I'm sorry high school sucks. I wish I could help it suck less, somehow. And Jared is... Jared. He got a little weirder throughout high school. He wouldn't sign my cast, but that's kind of expected._

_How is your family? How are you? Or, actually, you don't have to talk about yourself, if you don't want to. Sorry. But if you do, I wouldn't mind listening. Or, well, reading. It's just been a while, and I like hearing from you. Reading from you. You get the idea. I just like the fact I have letters in my mailbox from you again, just like middle school. It’s really nice._

_Okay. That's all._

_Sincerely, me_

He wrote so much because he got caught up in it all, for a moment he forgot Connor and he hadn’t spoken in years, and he got lost in the enjoyment of having someone to talk to. But he probably needed to tone it down. He didn’t want to seem too eager. 

Still, Connor wouldn’t know if he found another stamp and an envelope and basically ran out to the mailbox to put it back in and lift up the flag. Connor wouldn’t be able to see his eagerness in sending off the letter. And Evan _was_ eager. He was _so_ eager. Painfully so. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The next letter came a day earlier than the other. It threw Connor off for a second, since he expected the letter to take the full seven days, but he wasn’t about to complain even more as he carried it past the kitchen where Cynthia seemed to be working, up to his room to read it in peace. It was a little thing to look forward to, but it still mattered. 

The letter sounded like Evan was rambling for sure. He sounded excited, maybe nervous. Connor could understand that. Writing letters to someone you barely knew was a little odd, but writing letters to someone you used to be friends with was a whole other category. Despite the turning of his stomach over the uncomfortable tension the letters were causing him to feel, he still wrote up a reply, just like before. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it. You have a cast? Sign my name on it in big, obnoxious letters._

_My family is fine and so am I_

He hesitated. It’s not like he was ever going to see Evan in person, so what did it matter? Lying was pointless and gave him nothing. He erased the last line, glad he was using a pencil this time, and wrote over it. 

_My family is bad. We’re constantly fighting. Zoe and I hardly talk anymore, and my parents are considering shipping me off to boarding school or rehab or something. Anything to get me away. It’s mutual, though. How about yours? It’s you and your parents, right?_

_Sincerely, me_

Connor didn’t stick this one in an envelope right away. He just sat at his desk a little longer, staring at the letter but not reading it. It was personal, but it felt good to talk, even if he felt like he was overreacting. Even so, maybe it was the fact that Evan was technically a complete stranger, but Evan was easy to talk to.

With a sigh, Connor folded up the letter and went to mail it off. There was no point in overthinking it. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan read the new letter more than the other two, and didn’t immediately write his response. 

Back in middle school, their topics had been pretty light-hearted, and neither revealed a whole lot about themselves. The only picture of Connor he’d ever seen was the school picture they were required to send each other. Thinking of that made Evan want to ask for an updated picture, but that would probably be too personal, and Evan didn’t want to make things weird. 

This letter _was_ personal, though. Connor gave him some insight to his life, and it made Evan crave more. But he didn’t want to overstep his boundaries. It took a lot of thinking, but he did eventually, slowly, carefully, come up with a response. 

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_It’s just me and Mom. My dad lives in Colorado._

Evan read over those simple words again and again. Was that simple enough? That was neutral and unbiased, right? That probably wasn’t oversharing too much. 

He moved on. 

_Do you think “shipping you off” would help things suck less? Can you at least avoid your family? I don’t really have any advice, because Mom is just… I don’t know. She tries? She’s gone a lot. And I don’t have siblings. Life is very lonely._

Evan almost scratched that out, but didn’t. He wanted to be truthful to Connor. Instead, he signed it the same way he always did, and went to go hunt down a stamp to send it off. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor was a little taken aback by Evan’s vagueness. He’d opened up, and while he didn’t expect anything in return, it was a little unsettling not to get anything at all. But then again, that’s what he got for opening up in the first place. He thought about how stupid he must’ve sounded, and took an entire extra day to send off the next letter. It might’ve been a little petty and childish, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t important enough for him to be pissed, but he wasn’t happy about the lack of response. 

But he still wrote a response and still sent it, after letting an extra day slide by. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_If you want, sure._

_I thought your dad lived with you? “Shipping me off” means I’m a lost cause. I don’t know if it would help, but_

He remembered what being vulnerable last time for him, decided to ignore the second half of Evan’s letter, and erased everything after “I thought your dad lived with you,” then hastily signed it like they always did. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan hated that he noticed the extra day. He hated the disappointment when he stopped by the mailbox. It was a month into senior year, and life was so incredibly boring, and the letters were kind go his favorite thing, even if that was pathetic. And when he did get the letter, he tried not to be hurt at the shortness. And did he explain? Connor had sort of been specific, so maybe he should, too? 

He could try. He would definitely try. But his writing was shaky as he wrote. 

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_My dad moved away when I was 7. He has a new family, now, which is nice. For him. I never really mentioned that because it’s a little stupid and cliché. Like, “Oh no, Poor Evan Hansen, his dad is_

And then Evan stopped. No. That was too much. But the writing was in pen, and he was too tired, so he just grabbed a marker from his bag and scribbled over everything after “For him,” then continued under the black mass of marker. 

_I got my cast off yesterday, and I didn’t write your name, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do it and then have you actually not want me to._

And then he scribbled the over the last sentence and just signed it. 

Once he was done, the letter was a complete mess. But Evan was exhausted. He didn’t have the energy to fix it. He just shoved it in an envelope and dropped it in the mailbox, then went to go curl up in bed with his headphones playing just a touch too loud. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

It was mid-October now and everyone was treating every day like Halloween. As a kid it was his favorite, but the older he got the more he resented it. He stood outside for an extra beat while getting the mail this time, the smog feeling heavier than usual. Autumn air was supposed to be crisp and clean, but this air almost made him itch. 

Another letter. 

This one puzzled Connor. It was mostly scribbled, and if he held it just right, he could see the indent of pen but not enough to read the words. Connor wasn’t even sure how to reply. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_  
That sucks._

That’s a good start.

_How did you end up with the cast?_

_Sincerely, me_

It felt too short, so he added a line just in case. 

_Do you like Halloween?_

That was a little better, seeing as the holiday was in two weeks. He sent it off with little thought. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan almost managed to forget how terrible his last letter was, but the vague tone of Connor’s response painfully reminded Evan of how awkward his last letter had been, and he wanted to go back in time and stop himself from writing it. Instead, he wrote a reply, this time in pencil, and much more carefully. 

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_Sorry for the last letter. It wasn’t a great week._

_I fell out of a tree. Stupid, I know._

Evan stared at his words. This was just depressing. 

_Halloween is fun! I really liked it as a kid, but now it’s kind of just hiding in my room and keeping the lights off so people don’t knock on the door. I like how excited the kids get, though. Do you like it? Are you excited for… Candy, I guess? Or are you doing anything special?_

_Sincerely, me_

Hopefully, the multiple questions and rambling would distract Connor from the first couple lines of the letter. Evan didn’t want to handle questions about the tree and his broken arm. 

The letter was sent carefully, stamp placed perfectly in the corner, address written neatly; a stark contrast to the last one. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor was in a better mood when he read the new letter. With Halloween closing it was nice not to be completely drowning in it, even if it was weird before, he was glad Evan kept writing. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_It’s okay, but_

_That is just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, oh my god_

It was a joke. Connor wasn’t sure if it read like a joke, but he kept it anyway. 

_It was my favorite holiday growing up, but now it feels suffocating. It’s overdone now, but the parties are nice._

_You like kids?_

_Sincerely, me_

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

With Halloween a day away, Evan spent the whole day wondering if his mom, would, once again, be working instead of passing out candy like she said she would. But he was used to it, had even told her it was okay. And it was. It was fine. But nevertheless, he breathed a sigh of relief as he opened Connor’s letter. 

The second line made him wince, but he still laughed, even if it was a little self deprecatingly. The middle lines made him think about what he imagined Connor as a kid to look like, running around in a cheesy costume. It made him smile. 

Finally, he set to work writing a reply. 

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_Oh, I know. Jared said something similar._

_Do you like going to parties? I’ve never been to any, but some people go, I think?_

_I like how carefree and confident kids seem. They don’t care what everyone is thinking about them, at least most of the time. I like that we get to live in a happy bubble, and seeing them so excited makes me feel some sort of weird, empathetic enthusiasm._

_I’m glad we’re still writing._

_Sincerely, me_

He almost erased the last line, but stopped himself just in time. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Halloween came and went the same as any other day. Connor debated checking out parties, maybe scoping out a few and getting free alcohol, but ended up staying home. 

By the time November arrived he was dreading the next holidays. While the vibe of these seasons was fun, the suburbs weren’t particularly pretty at any point in time, even with all the artificial Christmas decorations. 

The next letter made him warm. He was kind of smiling as he wrote his response. 

_Dear Evan Hansen,_

_Depends on the person. I’ll take you to one sometime._

_I can agree with that._

He pressed hard with his pencil, taking a gamble. 

_Hey, writing is gonna get hard with the holidays. You should text me._

_Sincerely, me_

He scribbled the number somewhere below, making the numbers as easy to read as humanly possible. He sighed. This was probably a mistake. 

Even so, Connor still stuck the letter in the mailbox and hoped for the best. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan stared at the new contact in his phone, thumb hovering over the call button. 

His number. Connor gave him his _number._ He could, in all technicality, call Connor with the chance of him picking up and then Evan would know what his voice sounded like. Not that he ever would, but he _could._ The possibility was there.

He didn’t. 

He wrote a new letter instead. Or, well, he wrote a note, because it was so short. 

_Dear Connor Murphy,_

_I’m giving you my number because I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to text you first, I’m sorry._

_Sincerely, me_

His number was scribbled below. It was raining as Evan walked to the mailbox, and he just hoped and prayed the letter wasn’t too damp. Despite the soggy paper and the way Evan’s clothes felt a little uncomfortably damp from the brief walk in the rain, Evan’s chest was buzzing with nervous energy, and his heart kept skipping its beats. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

A week went by as normal, and Connor wondered if his letter got lost in the business of the holiday postal system, or if giving his number was too much and he’d scared Evan off and would never hear from him again. Or maybe there was a reason and Connor just needed to wait for the next letter. Maybe they didn’t have phones in Michigan? 

He waited another day or two, and was a little surprised by the letter. He brought it inside and sat down at his desk, and after reading it, pulled out his phone to send a text. 

_Today at 9:37pm_

_Me: dear evan hansen, hello_

It was a dumb opening, but Connor couldn’t remember what they’d been talking about. It only took a few minutes for the response to come in, faster than Connor expected, and it made the whole thing feel lighter. Waiting only a few seconds compared to a week was a luxury. 

_Today at 9:42pm_

_Evan: Dear Connor Murphy, hi. This is different._

_Me: do you not text people often_

_Evan: I have 3 contacts. If that gives you any idea? Do you?_

_Me: me, your mom, and me again in case you lose the first one?_

Teasing Evan over text was kind of entertaining. Talking was much easier over texting. (Except it wasn’t.) 

_Evan: Okay, so I have 4 now! You, Mom, Jared, Mom’s work._

_Me: how could i forget dear jared_

Evan used to talk about Jared a lot more, back when they were writing in middle school. From what Connor knew, it seemed like Jared might be Evan’s best friend. That, or Jared was his only friend. Either way, they were friends and had been for a while. 

_Me: so what’s up?_

The response was a little delayed. Connor tried not to overthink it. 

_Today at 10:01pm_

_Evan: I think it might snow tonight? The clouds are kind of pink, which usually means snow. So that’s cool! What’s up with you?_

_Me: it doesn’t even rain here_

_Evan: It doesn’t… rain? But what about the winter? What about snow and sleet and ice?_

_Me: the what?_

It was a joke, but held some truth. Winter in California was nothing like winter in Michigan. 

_Me: sacramento is hot. summer gets up to the 90s_

_Evan: Summer barely gets to 80F here! How do you not overheat?_

_Me: it’s what I’m used to, how do you not freeze?_

_Evan: Layers? I’m kind of used to it. I get really light headed in the heat._

_Me: dont visit here in summer then_

His own comment made him wonder what Michigan looked up, so he switched to google to pull up some pictures. It was actually kind of pretty. Marquette, the town Evan lived in, looked sort of small and dull, but with snow it was pretty. Connor wondered what that much snow was like. 

_Today at 10:17pm_

_Evan: Haha, right._

Connor hadn’t even realized Evan took a few extra minutes to reply. Connor didn’t think about it, just sent off a response automatically. 

_Me: it looks pretty there_

_Evan: I guess so?_

_Evan: My city is really small, I think, I don’t know. I think it’s tiny compared to anything you would know._

_Me: thats probably true. how late is it there?_

It was pretty late for Connor, so it was probably past midnight for Evan. Judging by the lack of response, that was late enough for Evan to fall asleep, or maybe he found something better to do. Either way, Connor rolled over and eventually dozed off comfortably. Maybe writing that first letter to Evan wasn’t a mistake after all.

That week, he went to school every day. He didn’t always pay attention in class, but he was there. Having Evan to text made the days a lot easier. It was nice having someone, but at the same time, it was nice knowing Evan didn’t really know him. 

By Thanksgiving break, all Connor wanted to do was sleep, smoke, and talk to Evan. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Texting Connor was an emotional rollercoaster. The mention of the word _visit_ put Evan into brief cardiac distress, because even if it was a joke and not in the slightest bit serious about Evan actually being in California, it was still a lot to think about. Rapid-fire responses from Connor was gratifying, but it didn’t give Evan any time to prepare emotionally. But it was nice. Texting someone was nice. It made him feel less… Alone. Sometimes it distracted him from classes, and Jared even teased him about a “secret girlfriend” a couple times. 

Even when school stopped for a week for Thanksgiving, Evan wasn’t scared of sitting home alone. Because now, he could text Connor. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Another perk to having something away from normal life was the distraction it gave him when things went south in the family dynamic. Evan was something to cheer him up when his parents fought or when he and his sister fought. Even if it wasn’t something big, like when his sister commented on his mood being better. And he went off. 

“I was just trying to strike up a conversation!” Zoe yelled up from the bottom of the stairs, matching Connor’s tone. 

“Well, it’s none of your business!” 

“Who are you even talking to?” She meant his phone, obviously. She’d been giving him looks lately. Connor hated it. He could tell her, and he debated it for a moment, but it was his secret. Evan was safe, and his, and he didn’t want to share. 

“God, you’re so _annoying!”_ he yelled instead, and stormed off to his room. He didn’t want to deal with his sister. It was only the day after Thanksgiving and home was the last place he wanted to be. Especially when his sister was home. 

So obviously, he texted Evan about it. 

_Today at 5:24pm_

_Me: god siblings are the worst_

_Evan: I’m sorry you have to deal with that… I would offer you could hide from her here, but that’s a little far away._

Connor was thankful Evan was always so quick to respond, but the comment was… He didn’t know how to respond to that. He could play along, but a part of him wished it was serious. With only a few weeks left until winter break and his parents pushing to find some camp or whatever to dump him into, Michigan didn’t sound too bad. 

He fell onto his bed, holding his phone above his head. Should he play along? 

_Today at 5:27pm_

_Me: hey as long as I’m out of the house my parents will be thrilled_

_Evan: Well, my house is very empty except for me, so it’s a good place to hide away from people._

_Me: must be nice for you you_

He replied so quickly he was sure Evan knew he had the conversation open. It was nice being alone in the house, though he wondered if Evan was ever lonely. 

_Me: did you tell your mom we got back in touch?_

_Evan: Mom doesn’t know. I’m not sure how to tell her, because I don’t know how she’ll react._

_Evan: Or, no, I do know how she’ll react. She’ll be way too happy and want to talk about you with me and how it makes me feel and I don’t really feel like doing that._

Connor read the message over a couple of times, and almost thought about talking about his own parents, but didn’t. He didn’t have a good reason. His own parents didn’t know he reconnected with Evan, and he was genuinely worried his mom would try and send him to Michigan is they did. And since he didn’t know what to respond with, he left the conversation at that. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

_Today at 6:39pm_

_Me: Have you ever had latkes? They’re like… shredded potato pancakes._

Evan sent the text while sitting at the table with his mom, eating the previously mentioned pancakes. He tapped the screen while he waited for a response, and his focus seemed to catch his mom's attention. Since it was the first night of Hanukkah, his mom was actually home, and she'd even cooked for them. 

"Who are you texting, sweetie?" Her voice startled Evan, and he quickly flipped his phone face down onto the table. 

“Um… A friend?" It came out like a question, but since most of his sentences did, she seemed to let it slide. 

“Yeah? That’s good!” Her enthusiasm and smile made Evan want to wince, but it was a good night. So he smiled back and ate another bite of latke so he didn’t have to speak. 

The conversation didn't go any farther than a smile from her and Evan returning back to his phone. He could tell she wanted to ask more, but he was kind of glad she let him keep it mysterious. After a few minutes, once he figured it was safe, he checked his phone again. 

_Today at 6:43pm_

_Connor: no, sounds good though_

_Me: Mom made them cause she’s home tonight. Yaaay._

He almost added some dumb emoji, but thought better of it and went back to eating and hiding in plain sight from his mom’s curious gaze. 

_Me: They’re a Jewish thing. I think. I dunno. It’s the one “traditional” dish Mom makes. Does your mom cook anything special for the holidays?_

_Connor: oh cool!_

The enthusiasm, unlike his mom’s, made Evan smile. He liked it when Connor was happy. Which was kind of obvious, because they were friends, but it sent a particularly warm feeling through Evan. 

_Connor: that’s cool, seriously. both my parents try to cook but i don’t think either of them know what a spice is._

Evan actually had to cover his mouth with one hand to stifle a giggle, and his mom shot him an alarmed look as he coughed to both not choke and hide his laughter. 

_Evan: Mom rarely cooks, but when she does, it’s pretty good._

Connor didn’t respond till after dinner, which gave him time to finish up his latkes and clear the table, and Evan was smiling down at the dishes as he rinsed them clean and set them in the drying rack. It took him only about ten minutes, and soon he dried his hands off on a towel and went to fetch his phone from the table. 

At first, when he saw Connor’s message, he thought he must be reading it incorrectly. 

_Today at 7:00pm_

_Connor: do you want to call sometime?_

He read it again. A call? Connor wanted to hear him speak? Evan was terrible at verbal conversations. And not terrible in the quirky, cute way. Evan was terrible in the way that made people around him cringe and look away and avoid bringing him into conversations so they wouldn’t have to deal with the secondhand embarrassment. 

But Connor wanted to call him. Except, maybe he didn’t mean a phone call? Evan needed to ask. 

_Today at 7:08pm_

_Me: Like a phone call? With voices?_

There was a pause. An agonizing pause. 

_Connor: if you want_

Evan _definitely_ wanted. But he was nervous. Then again, he was always nervous, so it wouldn’t be a big deal. Probably. Still, it took everything in Evan to remain calm and cool and collected. 

_Me: I’m terrible at talking. I stammer a lot and it’s really annoying. But if you want to, then yes!!_

_Connor: sure, when_

_Me: I’ll probably have to go somewhere else, since Mom still doesn’t know about you, if you want to do it now. Or another day. That’s cool too. Whenever you want!_

Evan was definitely freaking out. It was fine. 

_Today at 7:20pm_

_Connor: uh sure now works_

Now. Okay. 

Evan needed to bundle up if he was going to go outside, and he needed to remember how to breathe. So he started to frantically pull on warmer pants and a sweater and socks as he texted Connor. 

_Me: Can you give me a few minutes? I need to go find a good place to sit outside._

_Connor: of course_

It took a few minutes for Evan to bundle up, including his winter jacket with the fluffy hood and mittens, then left the house with a vague excuse to his mom. His snow boots were warm, but the crunchy layer of ice over the snow made it incredibly hard to walk. Luckily, the whole ordeal distracted him, and he was able to temporarily forget why he left the house. Eventually, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Connor. 

_Today at 7:37pm_

_Me: Okay, now whenever you want to call me you can? If you still want to, that is._

He could do this. He could handle a call with Connor.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor moved to his bed when he saw the okay from Evan to call, and leaned against the wall so he could stare out the window. The sky never got darker than a meek shade of purple, and the early evening like this was so washed out. It was kind of sad. Before hitting call, he took a deep breath to center himself, then hit the inconspicuous icon. At the first ring, his heart was already pounding. 

It took an eon for Evan to pick up, and there was a second long pause before Connor heard anything. 

“Um-hello?” 

When Evan agreed to the phone call, Connor mentally planned out his response. But the second he heard Evan’s hesitant, _soft_ voice, he was completely caught off guard and could only manage a simple, “Hi…” His own voice was soft. Everything about this was so _soft._

“Hi, Connor! I mean, uh-I mean, I said that. Already. Aw geez…” Evan drifted off, voice cutting out. 

Connor breathed out a laugh. Evan had a really, really nice voice. And he didn’t exactly have an accent, but his voice didn’t sound like everyone else in California. Was there anything not to like about this guy?

“Hi,” he repeated. “You alright?” 

“Nerves,” was all Evan mumbled. 

Connor nodded even though Evan couldn’t see. “It’s just me.” 

Then it was Evan’s turn to laugh, and Connor had to grip the comforter underneath him. He _really_ wanted to know what Evan looked like and if he liked guys. He wondered if Evan remembered Connor liking guys. He remembered Jared, for some reason, from a picture Evan sent, and he remembered thinking he was kind of cute. Not Evan, though. This was new. 

“I know, uh. That’s why-uh, that’s why I’m so- so nervous?” Oh, Evan was speaking again. Connor needed to pay attention. 

“Oh, um,” he wasn’t sure what to say. Had he missed something? “Uh…” He tried to think of something before it got too quiet. “Is it snowing there?” 

“Um, no, not right now. But it’s all-well, uh, it’s snowy already? And um, there’s ice on the snow. Which makes it all, like, ah, loud?” In the background of Evan’s stammering words, Connor could hear a quiet crunching noise, like Evan was stomping on the ice or something. 

“I’ve never seen snow in a city…” he let the words fall sloppily from his mouth, embarrassed. “In person, I mean.” 

“You’ve- uh,” Evan broke off, and Connor winced. But the pause wasn’t long. “Really? It’s just, um… Fluffy ice. You get kinda, uh, tired of it, after a while.” 

As Connor looked out the window, he tried to picture what everything would look like covered in snow. “I guess.” 

There was another pause, and when Evan spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. “Um-what does… uh. What does Sacramento look like during winter?” 

Connor kept his gaze out the window. “Same as summer, just darker. Less smoke, though.” 

“Smoke?” Evan sounded genuinely clueless and shocked. “Why is there, uh, smoke?” 

“California is on fire most of the year.” While he was looking out the window to the hills, he realized Michigan probably didn’t have this problem. 

“California is on wh- _what now?!”_ Evan’s voice jumped an entire octave and made Connor wince at the sudden volume spike. “It’s-what are you-uh, are you okay? Like, safe?”

Connor couldn’t help but laugh, actually genuinely laugh. Evan sounded so worried, so genuinely worried. “Yeah, though it’s mainly mid-northern Cali, where the trees are.” 

“So, you… Um. Isn't that kind of where Sacramento is?” Evan was back to sounding hesitant and shy, and if Connor wasn’t reading too much into it, almost… flustered? 

“Sort of. So yeah, everything's on fire.” He inspected the chipped paint on his fingernails instead of thinking too much about what Evan looked like based on the tone of his voice. “I’m joking. The fire isn't here.” 

“But what is, uh… Where are the fires, then?” 

“Not here. Here- one sec.” Connor switched to speaker phone and pulled up his camera app to snap a quick picture and send it to Evan. It was dim, but the streetlights were bright enough. “Texted you a picture.” 

There was a delayed pause, during which Connor assumed Evan was looking at his phone. So he just sat there and waited, then remembered to turn off speaker and hold it back up to his ear. Evan’s voice eventually filtered through, half a mumble, more like he was talking to himself. 

“I… It’s so green? And ah, there’s so many… pear trees?” Another quick pause, then he spoke more clearly. “I didn't realize you guys have so many fruit trees just... in the city.” 

Connor tilted his head, unsure if Evan was joking. “What kind of trees do you have?” 

“Maples and pines and birch? Normal, um. Normal trees. But all of them except the uh, the coniferous trees are uh, are kinda dead. Wait, here-“ Evan’s voice faded out, and then Connor’s phone light up. “I sent you a picture.” 

Connor took a moment to check the picture, and then all he could muster was a quiet, “Woah.” He was kind of mesmerized. Suddenly, Michigan didn’t sound all that bad. The snow and the dark sky and the streetlamp reflecting off the snow, it all painted an incredibly relaxing scene. “Aren’t you freezing?” 

“Oh-uh! I guess? I have a lot of, um, layers on?” Evan’s voice could jump to cheerful so quickly it almost gave Connor whiplash. 

To distract himself, Connor reached over to press his hand against the glass of his window, trying to imagining if it was cold enough to snow. He hummed in wonder, then went back to his bed. 

“That’s good… Hey, I think I’m gonna call it a night.” They’d been talking for a while, more than Connor had spoken with anyone in ages. At least, civilly. “It was nice talking to you,” he added. 

“Oh!” Evan yelped, making Connor smile. Again. “Yeah, yes, of course, sorry for keeping you. Um. It was nice! We-uh. We could do it again. Sometime? If you want.” 

Connor nodded, mostly for his own benefit. “That’d be cool. I guess I’ll talk to you later.” 

“Okay, yeah, um. Talk to you later.” Despite the end in the conversation, Evan didn’t hang up, so Connor was left listening to the white noise of the call. After giving it a beat, he pulled the phone away and pressed end, then turned to slump back against his pillows. 

It was a really nice phone call. 

He thought about texting Evan, but before he could, he got a text from his sister. 

_Today at 5:17pm_

_Zoe: who were you talking to_

The comfortable feeling of the phone call hadn’t left, and for once, Connor considered actually explaining without snapping. She would probably keep asking, so, after a few minutes of hesitation, he explained. He didn’t tell her much, just that it was a friend from Michigan, and that they used to talk in middle school. He knew she would probably tell their parents, but for once, he didn’t care. Then he tucked his phone into his pocket and went to his computer until a reasonable sleeping hour, and eventually fell asleep in a good mood. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

As Evan meandered home, he couldn’t get the sound of Connor’s laugh out of his head, even though the audio of his phone was pretty shitty, and the small snapshot into Connor’s life in the form of that photo. It was so… simple. Easy. Casual. Now that he knew what Connor sounded like, had heard him and held a verbal conversation, the whole thing felt more _real._ And maybe he would tell his mom. Maybe. 

She was already in bed by the time he got home, and it wasn’t long before he was, too. It wasn’t like it was that late, but Evan was tired. Tired in a good way, but still tired. Curled up under three blankets with his socks on for warmth, Evan made a promise to himself to tell his mom about Connor before Hanukkah ended. 

And then he fell asleep and tried not to think too hard about what Connor might look like. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

School exhausted Evan, what with finals being a little over a week away,Jared being weirder than normal and teasing him about his secret texting conversations, and the cold making everything feel stiff. So when he got home, he landed on his bed without even taking off his jack, just unzipping it, and fell asleep instantly. 

He woke up to his phone buzzing against his hip through his jacket, and it took his sleepy brain a second to reboot and sit up. Once he did, he slowly pulled out his phone and squinted at the screen. 

_Today at 6:51pm_

_Connor: my mom offered to send me to michigan_

The words made Evan go stiff and he was suddenly much more awake. 

_Me: Why…? Do you guys have family here?_

_Connor: no. i told my sister about you and she told our parents_

_Connor: they want to send me somewhere for winter break so i can “get out of the house and have some experiences”_

_Connor: they don’t want it to feel like a punishment so they suggested michigan. like. visiting you._

Evan’s overactive imagination went into intense and sudden hyperdrive. Connor. Visiting him here. In Michigan. They could hang out. They could play in the snow and actually talk and stay up late watching movies like normal friends. 

But first, he really needed to respond to Connor’s texts. 

_Me: Do you want to?_

He didn’t want to get excited for something Connor didn’t even want to do. So he stared at his phone for the prolonged minutes. 

_Today at 7:13pm_

_Connor: its better than the alternatives_

That… did not really answer the question. But Evan swallowed his nerves and tried to seem confident. 

_Me: It would be nice to see you, maybe. And you could see all the snow!_

_Connor: yeah_

Evan would definitely need to tell his mom about Connor, now. He needed to just suck it up and get it over with because he couldn’t exactly have Connor show up in Michigan without Heidi knowing who he was. 

Another text from Connor made Evan look down, the nerves only spiking when he saw the words. 

_Connor: would you really want me to?_

_Me: I would have to tell my mom about you, but I promised myself I would do that in the next couple of days anyway._

Evan read over the text after sending it, then winced. That sounded way too neutral. 

_Me: That’s a yes. I would really want you to._

_Connor: you’re in marquette MI right_

_Me: Yeah! It’s really far North._

_Connor: you should tell your mom first_

_Me: I’ll tell her tomorrow. I promise._

They stopped texting after that, which was probably a good idea. Evan’s nerves were slowly frying already, and he needed to go find something dinner-worthy and then he needed to sleep. For a very long time. 

At breakfast the next morning, Evan was quiet while he ate his cereal, then, right before his mom left, he blurted it out. 

“I’ve been talking to uh, to Connor! My old middle school pen pal? And-and um, he wants to visit!” 

Heidi stared at him, then her shocked expression morphed into a brilliant smile. 

“Can we… Talk about this tonight? But I think that’s an amazing idea, Evan.” His mom was literally beaming at him, and Evan shied away, unsure of it. 

“Um-yeah, okay.” He still wasn’t looking at her. 

With a wave and another smile, his mom was gone, and Evan was safe to go to school. 

He waited till he was at lunch to text Connor, so it wouldn’t be too early for him in California. 

_Today at 12:22pm_

_Me: Mom knows now._

He had to wait till after school for a response, since Connor didn’t respond immediately. But it was okay. School helped distract Evan for a while, but he was still buzzing with nervous excitement as the bell rang and he was able to check his phone. 

_Today at 1:11pm_

_Connor: did it go okay?_

_Today at 3:05pm_

_Me: I kind of said it right as she was leaving. We’re gonna talk about it later._

It would be okay.

Evan was fidgety. And nervous. His mom had texted him that they would talk at dinner, and he knew it was about Connor, but he didn’t know what she would say. So he spent the entire walk home tugging at his jacket sleeves, and then paced and fidgeted till his mom got home. At dinner, he just sat there silently. 

Dinner was tense and quiet, until she looked up at him with one of those Mom Looks. But the conversation actually went better than expected. He explained how long ago they reconnected, she teased him a little bit and he blushed, but it was… okay. He hadn’t really texted Connor all day, minus their single quick conversation, so he sent a hesitant message to him. 

_Today at 7:15pm_

_Me: Mom said it would be okay._

_Connor: cool. can i call you again tonight?_

Evan tiptoed upstairs to his room as he replied to Connor, nearly walking into his door he was so lost in thought and distracted. It was a lot to take in during a short time span, and Evan was never the greatest at dealing with emotional stuff. But he tried, because this was Connor, and this was… important. 

_Me: Yeah! Mom is going to class soon, so this time I don’t have to leave the house._

_Connor: k, let me know when_

Evan collapsed onto his bed and curled around a pillow while dragging a blanket to huddle under. There was snow falling outside his window, tiny flakes that made the evening air sparkle, and all Evan could think about was showing Connor what it looked like. 

_Me: Or, well, since Mom knows now, any time is okay._

His phone rang almost instantly, and while he probably should’ve expected the instant call, it still surprised him and made his heart beat too fast from nerves as he picked up. “I-um, I didn’t expect you to call so soon? But hi.” 

“Oh-sorry.” Connor’s tone was so flat, and Evan winced.

“No! Sorry, uh- It’s fine!” Evan leaped to apologize, but quickly bit his tongue to quiet himself. 

“Um.” Pause. “How’re you?” 

“I’m good? How are you?” He felt a little bad for how he picked the call up, and he was curling further against and into his pillow. 

“I’m fine…” Connor sounded almost as anxious as Evan. For some reason, that surprised Evan more than anything else, but also felt comforting. “So hey.” Another tense pause. “When you’re rich and you don’t have anything to do, you start to lose it, but, uh-see,” Connor coughed. Evan waited. “My mom bought me a plane ticket to Michigan."

Evan must have misheard that, right? Or Connor was… messing with him? Would he do that? Either way, Evan’s throat completely closed up, and not a single word was able to come out. He just lay there, staring straight ahead, trying to figure out if this was a dream, not responding to anything Connor just said.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The dead silence was deafening, and Connor gulped. Dread crept in like fog in a harbor, everything going dark. He tried to focus on his breathing, listening for any queues from Evan on how to handle the situation. Apologizing was an option, but he couldn’t seem to speak. He shifted the was he was sitting, breaking the silence momentarily. 

“ _I can tell her to cancel it-_ “ the words were spoken in a rush, and Connor wheezed slightly at the sudden loss of air. They were a jumbled mess, so he consciously held his mouth shut in hopes whatever he said was intelligible. 

“When?” Evan’s voice was only a whisper, like he was speaking through layers of fabric. And he sounded just as fucking terrified as Connor. 

Connor pursed his lips, processing Evan’s response. It was only one word, but it was enough to catch him off guard. Evan should be crowned king of catching Connor off guard. 

“Uh-“ he coughed. “When can she cancel it, or…? Cause I can call her right now-“ 

“No!” Evan shrieked, startling Connor. “No! I mean, When, um-when did she-when is the flight!” 

“Oh.” That should’ve been obvious.

“Sorry, that was uh-uh, it was misleading,” Evan rambled. 

“Um. The 14th?” This was a stupid idea. 

“Yes, okay, that-um. I’d love that.” 

Oh. Connor brought a hand to his chest; his heart felt like it was in his throat. He took a shaky breath, trying to mellow out at least for now, but his face was all hot at Evan’s words and he realized he still didn’t know what Evan looked like. Still, he nodded to himself and pushed his hair back as he sat up. 

“Cool.” 

“I can’t-uh, I can’t promise you can stay with me, er, us, because, um, my house is small? And, and so-yeah.” Evan’s words were cut off sharply, and Connor would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so anxious. Evan was so obviously nervous. It made Connor relax a little. 

“That’s fine, my mom is gonna find an Airbnb or something for me.” He shifted positions again, bringing his knees up to his chest. There wasn’t really anything he could use as a conversation buffer. He really wanted to mention how excited he felt, but was way too nervous and admittedly embarrassed to have something to look forward to. 

“Can I uh-can I see you? Like, I mean, like a photo or something, cause, I don’t-uh, sorry, oh my god…” Evan was rambling again, and it took a second for Connor to realize what he was saying. His chest tightened at the question, and he hesitated before responding, surprised that Evan would ask. He’d much rather see Evan.

“You first,” he mumbled, trying to keep his voice level and hyperventilation subtle. 

“I don’t, uh-I don’t even have any pictures of myself!” Evan squeaked. 

Connor sighed a little sharply. “Take one?” He put his phone on speaker to search for a decent picture of himself, but was determined to see Evan first. 

“I don’t take selfies!” Evan whined but seemed to catch himself. “I mean-uh. Okay, I can-um. I can try, I guess? Will you do it first?” 

Connor sighed again, a little more drawn out. He moved his phone to find a picture, nails audibly tapping at his phone screen. “Fine, here.” 

The picture he sent was basic, something from a few weeks ago with his room in the background, hair less of a mess than usual. It was pretty boring. 

Evan was silent for almost too long before speaking. “Nice-um. Hair?” 

Connor stared at the image he sent until he got uncomfortable. He could never keep pictures around, since he didn’t like the way they stared back, so he closed his messages and held his phone back to his ear, ignoring Evan’s response. 

“Your turn.” 

“Um-okay, just, one second?” There was shuffling while Connor waited. “Okay, I, uh-I sent it? I’m not… pictures are-my face is-uh, it’s all bad, so, sorry? And my camera is really bad, it’s not great, so… yep.” He shut off the rambling with a pop on the “p.” 

Connor hesitated to look, not wanting to be disappointed. It was a weird picture, to say the least. Evan’s face was a little red, and his shoulders were hunched, and the picture quality was pretty bad, but Evan was smiling a genuine smile and his eyes were all bright. It was awkward, and Evan wasn’t kidding about not knowing how to take selfies. Connor quickly closed out of it, a little too flustered for his own liking. 

“Cool,” was all he got out. It went painfully silent for too long. “Okay, well I’m gonna go…” He bit his inner cheek, praying Evan didn’t take it personally. “Um. Bye.” He hung up and set his phone screen down on the bed, hugging his knees and resting his chin on them. 

Connor only managed to go a few minutes without his phone before he got restless, and eventually picked it up to put in a reminder for the 13th that he would be flying out the next day, then pocketed his phone and decided to go for a walk. It was gonna be a long two weeks.

He fell asleep quickly. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

_Today at 4:22am_

_Evan: Can I have the details of your trip for when I tell mom? If that’s okay. Sorry for being weird last night. Thank you._

The text from Evan was almost painful it was so formal, and since Connor read it barely a minute after waking up, his bleary brain momentarily forgot about timezones and wondered what Evan was doing awake so early. But he blinked a few times to wake himself up and sat up to reread the message and respond. 

_Today at 7:53am_

_Me: yeah no problem. you okay?_

He read his own message after sending it. 

_“You okay?”_

He repeated it in his head. That was stupid. Stupid. Now it was weird. There wasn’t anything he could do, though, and decided he was too tired to care, and got up to change his shirt to something less slept in. By the time he got the details from his mom and was on his way to school, Evan still hadn’t responded. He texted him anyway. 

_Today at 8:15am_

_Me: so ill fly in the 14th and will get to the airbnb my parents booked. ill be staying there for a week and fly home the 21st. I’m free to do whatever i want between then_

Evan’s response came a couple hours later while Connor was in class. 

_Today at 9:18am_

_Me: Yes! I’m fine, sorry. That sounds good. I’ll be out of school by then, too, so I’ll be free._

Connor stared at the reply a little longer than he needed to, eventually spacing out. The bell rang and snapped him out of it and he typed a reply in the halls. He wrote at least three messages before deciding not to reply at all.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan checked his phone too often, he knew that, and yet he kept flipping it over and getting disappointed when there wasn’t a response from Connor. Eventually, he typed up a response while walking home, and sent it before he could overthink it. 

_Today at 3:24pm_

_Me: Do you want to come?_

But there wasn’t a response, and Evan tried not to let it get to him. He just kept walking home, head down against the snow. 

A response came in much later, when Connor must’ve been on his way home. Which actually made a lot of sense, and Evan felt bad for being so impatient. 

_Today at 6:16pm_

_Connor: come where_

Evan winced when he realized how nonspecific his previous message was, and tried to write a zillion different replies before settling on simple and straightforward. 

_Me: I meant come here. Because your mom chose, right? So I just want to check that you want to visit._

_Connor: i do_

The answer might’ve been simple, but it lifted a small weight off of Evan’s chest as he reached his house and went upstairs to sit at his desk. He didn’t reply at first, since he had some homework to do, but eventually, he sent a very brief text to Connor. 

_Today at 6:43pm_

_Me: Good! I’m glad :)_

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thursday morning found Connor waking up to his annoying and jarring alarm, and he grabbed his phone to click it off. The notification read _pack for tomorrow._

It was weird. He wasn’t sure whether or not to feel anxious or excited. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, huffing awkwardly. It was the last day of school before break and Connor, along with half the school, was skipping. 

He got out of bed and made a list of things to do for packing, stuff like laundry and making sure he had his plane ticket on hand. He checked for texts from Evan and pondered sending one first, but didn’t. 

It was weird. 

The whole situation happened so fast and to say he was embarrassed with his mom’s impulsive actions was an understatement. Whose mom finds out about an internet friend and books a ticket to visit them on the spot? Cynthia did, apparently. Though he was glad to finally get a chance to meet Evan, it could easily become a disaster. What do you even do in this situation? Run to hug each other? Connor wasn’t big on being touched nowadays, but it was maybe a sacrifice he was willing to make to not look weird in front of Evan’s mom. 

He finished up packing with the realization that he, and probably Evan, didn’t have any idea how this would turn out. 

Just as the night rolled around, Evan broke their text silence. Connor was glad, as it was sort of weird to not talk at all the before you meet. The text surprised him; he’d expected to just bus to the Airbnb since he got in kind of late. Plus, an airport meeting seemed a little grand. It wasn’t like the two were best friends. Still, he didn’t want to be rude. 

_Today at 9:40pm_

_Evan: Mom got off work tomorrow evening, so we’ll be at the airport. Your flight gets in at 8:24pm, right?_

_Me: oh, ok cool_

He thought about asking what to do when they saw each other, but couldn’t find a way to phrase it in an easy way. 

_Me: so, can we call tomorrow morning? like before i go to the airport_

_Evan: Yeah! Of course we can._

_Evan: Mom wanted to know if you’ll want dinner? When we get back._

That eased Connor’s nerves just enough for it to be more manageable. It would be nice to talk things out before he got on a plane to go somewhere he only ever had seen in pictures. He lay on his bed, more tired than he expected for how anxious he was. 

_Me: ill be fine_

He lied, not wanting to impose. 

_Evan: It would just be pizza, but we also don’t have to, if you’ll be too tired or don’t want to._

_Evan: It’s whatever you want, really._

Connor shrugged to himself. There was never not a time for pizza, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to handle much food. 

_Me: im fine with whatever_

Very helpful. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The next couple weeks or so were… odd. It kind of felt like there was some sort of heavy curtain hanging over Evan’s head, and it was either full of balloons or deadly knives, and he wouldn’t know which one until he and Connor actually interacted in person. It took a full dinner of talking it over with his mom, some negotiating and getting their moms to connect, and a lot of self-induced stressing on Evan’s part, but the day was… actually here. Or, well, it was tomorrow, and Evan was about to sleep, but he was laying on his back and staring at his phone instead.

Connor's vague answer was kind of expected, and Evan might've been nervous, but he was also a little amused. 

_Today at 11:57pm_

_Me: Okay. Well, it's getting late for me. So I'm going to go to sleep. Goodnight, Connor! Talk to/see you tomorrow._

The text was a little overly chipper and excited, probably, but Evan was tired and full of nerves. He turned on an alarm, flipped it over, and stuck it on his bedside table so he would be able to hear it, then pulled his blanket up high and set into mentally forcing himself to sleep.

Connor sent him a good morning around 11am, and Evan was well awake by then, since he accidentally set his alarm like he was waking up for school. That gave him hours of free time, and he spent those hours cleaning: his room, the bathroom, the living room, the kitchen. He didn’t want the house to be gross or anything when Connor arrived. But he did take a break when he received Connor’s text. 

_Today at at 10:56am_

_Connor: morning_

_Me: Hi! Do you still want to call?_

_Connor: if you’re up for it_

_Me: I am, yeah. It’ll be good to do that before you get here._

Evan’s hands were shaking just enough for him to make a few more than average spelling mistakes, so he was forced to take extra long to fix them. It hadn’t really hit yet that Connor would be here by the end of the day, and he he knew he would probably freak out when it did. 

It took a few minutes for Connor to call, but Evan picked up after the fifth ring, biting his tongue to control his small grin. “Hi, Connor,” he mumbled into the phone. “Um-are you excited? Or, uh, nervous for flying?” 

The was a small exhale sound, and when Connor spoke, he didn’t sound overly stressed. “Excited. I like airplanes.” 

“Even though-um, even though you’re going alone…?” Evan couldn’t even begin to imagine handling a plane ride alone. 

“Have you ever been on a plane alone?” Connor asked. 

Evan made a tiny, embarrassed dying noise. “I went-uh, in eighth grade? Though, um, not alone. Mom came with. It was… not fun.” 

There was a half laugh from Connor’s end, and it made Evan smile. So _soon._

“I’m excited to see the snow.” 

“Oh, yeah!” Evan perked up at that, because snow was an easy, neutral subject. He could talk about snow. “There’s, um-there’s supposed to be another inch of, of snowfall tonight. So that’ll be cool! It’ll, uh, it’s supposed to start a little before you land, which is good timing!” That was a lot of talking, but Evan was nervous, and when Evan was nervous, he tended to chatter, which was annoying but not exactly stoppable. 

“Can I meet Jared while I’m there?” 

The idea of Connor and Jared meeting made Evan feel incredibly conflicted. But he wasn’t going to deny Connor. “Uh, yeah, if you want to? He-um, he’ll probably just show up at some point, so yeah?” 

“Cool.” There was a moment of silence before Connor spoke again. “I think I’m gonna go get ready to go,” Connor finally mumbled. “I’ll, uh… I’ll see you soon.” 

The words _I’ll see you soon_ sent a thrill through Evan. “Yeah! Okay, um, sorry-I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, later.” 

“Okay. Um-bye.” Evan hesitated for a second before hanging up. This was actually happening. He was going to see Connor tonight. 

The day was slow. Painfully slow. Evan did everything from read to watch TV to more cleaning to homework. He did his laundry, including his sheets. He watched the snow. He watched the hours tick by and tried to be calm. 

Somewhere in about mid-afternoon Connor sent him a picture of the inside of the plane, and it made Evan’s heart do inconvenient flips. 

Finally, _finally,_ the sun was setting and his mom came home and after some quick gathering of things was done, including an extra scarf and jacket just in case Connor didn’t have a proper one, they were off. The airport was about a half-hour drive from his house, and the ride was quiet but not tense. They got there about half an hour early, and he sent a text to Connor so he would get it when he landed, just letting him know they would be there at the arrivals gate. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

During the call, there was a moment, when he asked about seeing Jared, that he considered telling Evan he thought Jared was cute in middle school. But he didn’t know Evan’s stance on stuff like that, and realized he might have to play straight for the visit. The idea wasn’t pleasant. 

After hanging up the phone call with Evan, Connor ignored his phone in favor of getting all his things together. Luckily, he packed the night before, so everything was ready to go. All he had to do was bring his suitcase and backpack downstairs and wait for his mom to drive him to the airport. He waited for her on the steps, fiddling with his bracelets so he didn’t pick at his nail polish. During the previous day’s tedious slowness, he decided to repaint them, so they were smooth black. He didn’t want to mess that up. 

Once Cynthia got home, she helped him get his suitcase into the car and they were off. It was a long drive, but at least they didn’t hit any major traffic, and Connor spaced out for most of it. However, he made sure to thank his mom by the end. At least the car ride went without a fight. 

As they walked towards the airport doors, Connor took a deep breath, preparing himself for the long ride ahead. There weren’t any issues, he wasn’t checking his suitcase, and while it was frustrating to take all his rings and boots off for security, that was the biggest hassle. Getting on the plane was slow, and he sent Evan a picture of the rows of seats with no caption before turning his phone to airplane mode and getting seated. Anxiety and excitement battled in his stomach as the plane taxied, and refused to die down for the entire flight. 

The view was absolutely breathtaking, even if it was just clouds and sky, but the sky became dark so rapidly, and the clouds became thicker and darker. By the time the plane started its descent, it was fully dark, but Connor could see the snow covering every inch of the land below in sparkling white. It was beautiful. 

It didn’t take long to get off the plane, and he didn’t check his phone, just clutched the handle of his suitcase with one hand and the strap of his backpack with the other. He was nearly trampled several times because he kept getting distracted by the dark greens of the trees outside and the reflection of the lights in the snow. Everything felt so quiet despite the airport bustle. 

Connor checked his phone, saw that Evan would be there, and hurried down the hall to find his friend, each step feeling heavier. This was it, the moment of truth. He wondered how tall Evan was, what his mom looked like, where exactly they would be waiting, all of it. Thank god for endorphins or he would’ve been completely frozen with fear. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Thanks to the airport signs, and the fact the airport was so small, Evan was sure he was at the right gate. But that didn’t stop the nerves and anxiety from boiling in his stomach, making him pace back and forth and twist his hands together. His mom was waiting a little ways away, sitting at one of those charging counters, probably working on homework. 

When people started to come through the arrival gate, Evan froze. This was it. Connor would be here any second. He looked at every single person, waiting, watching. Where was-

There. 

Evan froze dead in his tracks, because there he was, here was Connor, and oh god, this was… very very real. He was speechless, hands clutching at the sleeves of his unzipped jacket, staring with wide eyes, only able to hope Connor would notice him. 

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Connor walked out of the gate slowly, suitcase in tow, and stopped to look around. He felt insecure for not knowing where everything was, and everyone else was waving to their family and friends and heading off like they knew where they were going, and he felt like an idiot standing there, looking like a lost child. And then his eyes met Evan’s. 

A part of him had been nervous he wouldn’t recognize his friend, seeing as he only had one bad picture to go off. But the way he was staring was a dead giveaway. It was definitely Evan. 

Connor gave his best smile and waved, and started to head over. 

The first thing he noticed was that he was significantly taller than Evan, enough for it to be noticeable. 

The second thing he noticed was how nice everything looked in Michigan, Evan included. 

He kept walking, trying not to tense up as he neared Evan. Everything about this felt weird and out of place and, to be honest, Connor just wanted to see more snow, but Evan and his mom were his ride, and he couldn’t just avoid him. He stopped in front of Evan, giving another little wave and praying his voice wouldn’t crack when he greeted with a simple, “Hey.”


	2. part one, chapter one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're fuckin back  
> and im terminally addicted to commas

Evan remained frozen until Connor spoke, and finally, Evan was able to breathe. 

“Hi,” he mumbled, finally looking away from Connor and down at the floor. “Um-uh, we can, let’s head to your uh, Airbnb?” He was silently cursing his own stammering, but for once it felt a little justified. He watched as Connor chewed on his lip, then looked away because that _wasn’t_ something he should fixate on. 

Connor nodded. “Sure.” 

Evan opened his mouth to say something, but the words failed him, so he just turned around and waved to his mom, who gathered her stuff and joined them. 

“Hi, Connor! Evan has told me all about you,” she said as she came up to them, and Evan winced with a quiet, complaining noise. 

“Okay, okay, let’s get you boys home,” she said, laughing a little as she gently herded both of them towards the exit. “Connor, can I take your suitcase?” Despite the fact she was already holding her own bag, Heidi reached out for Connor’s suitcase. She was as slightly overbearing but well-meaning as ever. 

Evan watched as Connor smiled brightly at his mom like he was trying to please her, and let her take the suitcase. That was probably the best thing Connor could have done. As they walked out, Connor leaned towards him to whisper, “Your mom seems nice.” 

He was still too much in shock to respond verbally to Connor, but he could at least smile and nod quickly. 

The airport wasn’t massive or anything, so it was pretty easy to get out to the parking lot and find the car, where Heidi stowed the suitcase in the trunk. Meanwhile, Evan was left with the decision of where to tell Connor to sit. 

“Do you- uh, do you wanna sit in the front seat? Or, um…”

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Connor was so lost in looking around he missed when Evan spoke to him. He actually had to consciously keep walking through the snow as it fell on them. It made everything look so white, and it was _freezing._ He held out a hand to catch some of the snowflakes before realizing Evan said something, and he looked up. 

Evan was wearing a tiny, amused smile, and it made Connor drop his hand in embarrassment. He didn’t repeat whatever he must have said, just opened the front door of the little car for Connor. 

“We should go,” he added, holding the door open with one hand. 

Connor felt a little dumb for feeling so entranced by the snow and shook his hand free of the snow as he got in the car and buckled his seat belt. 

“Thank you for picking me up,” he said, once Heidi slid into the driver’s seat, while Evan climbed into the back. He folded his hands in his lap and glanced at Evan’s mom. 

“It was no trouble, really,” Heidi replied, waving a hand in dismissal as they headed towards the parking lot exit. “Are you sure you’ll be okay alone tonight? You can always sleep over if you need, we wouldn’t mind!” 

“Mom, he’s probably tired,” Evan mumbled from the back seat, and through the rearview mirror, Connor noticed him cover his face with both hands. 

“All the more reason for him to stay over! I’ll even order pizza!” 

“Don’t-um, don’t feel pressured by her…” Evan tried, obviously trying to lower his voice so his mom wouldn’t listen. 

Connor tried to keep up with the conversation instead of getting lost in the scenery, but that proved more difficult than expected. The trees were so big and full despite it being the dead of winter. It looked nothing like Sacramento; he didn’t even have words for how beautiful the snow was. 

He cocked his head towards Heidi to pull himself from though. “No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” He hoped it wasn’t obvious he wasn’t paying attention. He wanted to look at Evan for confirmation but didn’t want to move too much. He also definitely wanted to stick around, but didn’t want to impose. 

“How about we at least have pizza?” Heidi offered, glancing over at Connor then back to the road. “And after that, you can decide.” 

That would be pretty okay, so he nodded. “Yeah, okay,” he agreed, quietly. Pizza did sound good. He went back to looking out the windows, no clue how long of a drive it might be. 

The drive was pretty quiet, since either Heidi wasn’t chattery, or she was able to read the tense nervousness. It wasn’t like Connor was complaining. Heidi seemed used to her son being quiet, and didn’t press Connor with any more questions. Eventually, she pulled into a neighborhood off a busy street, and Connor spent the time trying to guess which house was Evan’s, but gave up after a few minutes. Eventually they pulled into the driveway of a small, two-story house, like something out of a retro film or Netflix original. 

Heidi was the one to get his stuff, and he waited till Evan got out of the car to follow him in. It was snowing pretty hard, at least from what he could tell, but neither Heidi nor Evan paid much attention to it. 

Once inside he noticed he was starting to shiver. The cold would take some getting used to, but the house was nice and warm. He kept his coat on, pulling his phone out to check the time, and when he looked up, Evan was standing there. 

“Do I take my shoes off?” 

Evan seemed pretty frozen, but when Connor spoke, he unfroze, and jumped to start talking as he took off his coat and boots.

“Oh- um, yeah! Yeah, that would be- yes,” he rambled as he untied his shoelaces and gently kicked off his boots and set them by the door. “Do you-um, do you have another jacket? Because, uh-it’s just, it gets really cold, and I worr- er, I mean-uh, Mom is worried you’ll get too cold here?” Evan was pretty visibly nervous and he kept fidgeting with the cuffs of his hoodie as he shuffled down the hall while looking at Connor from the corner of his eye. He was doing this weird _glance then look away just as fast_ thing, and Connor wasn’t sure what to make of it. But he could at least flash a small smile in return as he untied his own boots and left them by the door with Evan’s. 

“I have other jackets, but none thicker than this.” He avoided eye contact, a little ashamed for how cold he’d gotten in such a short time. Evan still seemed pretty concerned, but he didn’t say anything else, so Connor followed him down the hall to the small living room, where he hovered near the couch. 

“You can-um, sit? If you want? My uh, my mom is gonna get pizza, I think.” Evan gestured towards the couch, so Connor nodded, then sat down stiffly. This was really weird, and he had no idea how to handle it or what to do.

“It’s… cool that your mom lets you have pizza.” 

“Does-uh, does your mom not let you have pizza?” Evan joined him on the couch, sitting at the other end which left about a yard of space between them. Connor also noticed he literally sat on his own hands. He wondered if there was a reason for that.

He shrugged in response to the question. “She was Buddhist last year.” Connor tried to hide his smile. As nerve-wracking as this was, he was excited to get to know Evan and learn why he did little things like cut himself off or sit on his own hands. He brushed his hair out of his face, not looking up. “She has these weird phases and drags us all into them.”

That seemed to baffle Evan. “She… what?” He almost laughed but seemed to cut himself off. “I-uh, well-you can have pizza here, I guess?” 

Before Evan had time to respond, Heidi reappeared, walking over to hand Evan some money. “This is for dinner, okay? I have to run to study group for an hour, but then I’ll be back.” She smiled at her son, then looked at Connor. He stiffened. “If you are still set on it, I can drive you to your Airbnb after that, does that sound good?” 

Connor nodded to her, since there wasn’t much else to do, and glanced at Evan. His mom lingered for another few moments, then was leaving just as quickly as she came. 

“What does she study?” 

“Oh-uh! She-she um, she’s studying to be a paralegal? But since she works during the daytime she uh, she has to take night classes?” Evan had been forced to free his hands to accept the money, and Connor noticed the way he gestured as he spoke, much more animated than anyone Connor knew. “But-uh, she only has a little while, um, a little while left?” Connor watched as Evan set the money on the coffee table in front of them and tucked his hands into his sleeves. “So-um, so yeah.” 

“That’s cool…” Connor tried. “I think my dad does something like that, but I don’t really pay attention.” 

“Ah-um…” Evan made a quiet coughing noise, shifting away. He was obviously trying to think of something, so Connor just sat there, silent, as he waited. 

“Is there uh-anything specific you um, you want to do? While you’re here?” 

He’d been sort of spacing out when Evan asked, but stopped to try and think of an answer. “Oh-uh… No, not really.” The plan was to see the snow and Evan, and he’d already done both. And both were prettier than he could’ve imagined. That thought made Connor vaguely uncomfortable, and he stared at the floor like his life depended on it. 

“We could-um. Maybe so see Lake Su-er, Superior?” Connor looked up when Evan spoke, noting the way he seemed to always fidget while speaking. 

“It’s-uh, it looks like the ocean? And, and uh, it’s partially frozen right now?” 

Connor didn’t know much about Michigan other than some google image search results he’d seen while bored, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. “I’m sure it’s better than California beaches,” he tried to joke, but could tell it fell flat. 

“It’s probably, probably um, a little boring?” Evan shrugged, looking down at his lap. “But um, sometimes the Northern Lights can uh, can be seen here? So-so uh, that’s a possibility.” 

“The Northern Lights?” Connor perked up at that. Weren’t those just a thing you could see from Alaska and stuff? “You can see those from here?” He wanted to take Evan’s word for it, since Zoe would be _so_ jealous if he got to see them. 

Evan nodded quickly, biting his lip before speaking. “Yeah, uh, sometimes! They’re not very like uh, very bright, but yeah! You can see them uh, sometimes, if you’re like, ah, away from the city.” 

Connor met Evan’s gaze for a moment, but looked away nervously. It was embarrassing how much he wanted to see them. “That’d be uh, really cool,” he nodded, matter of factly.

“I have a um-“ Evan pulled out his phone and waved it with a limp hand, then set it down on the couch between them. “An uh, an alert? So we can watch them that way, if uh, if you want? I saw them last year around… I think it was around Hanukkah, so uh, so they should… hopefully, show up at some point soon.” 

He watched Evan pull out his phone. “Okay.” There was a pause; he’d almost forgotten about Hanukkah. 

“What kind of things do you like? I uh, wanted to bring you something. For the holidays. But I don’t know what uh, what things you’re into.” That was pretty coherent, right? Connor slouched into the couch a little, and thought back to the pizza. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan completely blanked. “I- uh.” He looked around the room, almost frantic, then down at his lap where his hands were twisting together from nerves. “I- um. That?” he waved towards the piano. “And, and I uh, I guess I like… Rubik’s cubes? Oh, and, uh, trees, but that’s-“ he shrugged, leaning back against the couch. “Trees are- you know, not very interesting, so- um. What do you like?” He tried to divert the conversation away from himself, but all he got at first was a look from Connor in return. 

“I guess… music, and art, kinda?” His voice noticeably softened at the _art_ bit, which Evan definitely needed to remember later. “Yeah, not much.” 

“We’re… really kinda boring,” Evan laughed quietly, staring at his socked feet. “But- um, art? That’s like, that’s really cool. Do you…” He had to swallow down his embarrassment at asking, but he really wanted to know more. “Do you- like, do you draw? Or study it, or- yeah?” 

Evan watched Connor as subtly as he could, watched how he seemed to debate the answer. “I uh, I draw.” He wasn’t looking at Evan though, so Evan figured it probably wasn’t a good idea to push the subject. 

Lucky for both of them, a knock from the door sounded, prompting Evan to hop off the couch and head to the door. Sure, talking to the pizza man was terrifying, but at least the pizza man wasn’t so… important. So, if Evan messed up, it wasn’t as bad as messing up while talking to Connor. Plus, it gave him a couple of minutes to breathe, even if he had to awkwardly fumble through the whole interaction with the pizza driver. But a few minutes later, he came back with a hot box, which he set on the small living room coffee table. 

“Um- dig in, I guess?” Connor looked a little glassy-eyed, but he blinked when Evan came back, and checked his phone. Evan blinked, too. 

He stared at the pizza. He was way too nervous to eat, but what if Connor was waiting? So he took a deep breath and just opened the box to grab a piece, taking the smallest one he could and nibbling on it while very pointedly not looking at Connor. He knew if he did he would forget to eat, and that would be... not great.

Once he moved, so did Connor, which made Evan breathe in relief. 

They were silent as they ate, both taking small bites while Evan tried to breathe normally and failed monumentally. Luckily, Connor broke the silence. 

“How late do you usually stay up?” 

Evan chewed hurriedly and swallowed a little early, which made him grimace and wince. “I- uh, it depends. I guess?” He gave Connor a quick look, but was unable to hold it. “If uh, if I’m texting you it’s uh, it’s… later? Because, cause you’re… well, uh, when you’re home, you’re three hours behind me. I mean- I mean, like, California is three hours… behind Michigan.” 

Connor took another bite and stared at him while Evan spoke. It made Evan squirm. Connor scoffed and took another bite. Evan had literally no idea what that meant, but he stopped talking just in case. Eating pizza could take priority and Evan would _not_ keep rambling. 

Once they were finished with the pizza, or at least finished with the small section they were able to eat, Evan dusted his hands off as subtly as he knew how to, and stuck his hands under his legs. The silence was really starting to get to him, so he cleared his throat to say, “Do you uh, do you want to… maybe, like, watch a uh, a movie, or something? Or a TV show, if you like those better?” 

Connor looked at him, then grabbed another piece of pizza. Evan watched some of the grease smear on Connor’s fingertips, and swallowed. He looked away and turned on the TV, instead of thinking about the pizza grease. 

The TV was on some cheesy nature show he was watching earlier, and Evan had to consciously stop himself from instantly switching the channel. “Is uh, is there anything specific you like to uh, like to watch?” 

All he got was a shrug in answer, and Evan gulped. But then Connor sat forward, and said, “Weird TV and documentaries.” 

Evan actually breathed a sigh of relief and perked up, and was almost smiling when he looked at Connor again. “Do you- um, do you have a favorite type? Cause- I mean, I have like, my own, not just… TV channels.” With so many emotions running high, it was hard to keep his mild excitement in check. 

After looking between Evan and the TV, Connor shrugged. Connor shrugged a lot, Evan noted to himself. It was like an instinctual gesture and made his hair move, but again, Evan didn’t think about it. 

“Any,” Connor said, and Evan had to snap his attention back to the present. “You?” 

Evan was about to respond, but the chirping of his phone startled him. It kept going, which meant it was probably his mom calling him, so he set the remote to the side and pulled his phone out. He ignored how badly his hand was shaking. 

“Uh- hi, mom.” He gave Connor a worried look, but kept listening to his mom. Her voice was distant and stressed, but really, that was kind of average for his mom. 

_“Honey, hi, I’m really sorry, but I’m gonna have to stay at the hospital tonight…”_

Evan sighed, but listened for another few moments, mumbling a reply or two just to let her know he was still listening before hanging up the phone, unable to look at Connor. 

“So- um… My uh, my mom is stuck. At the hospital, cause it’s like, really snowy, and the plows haven’t gone over it yet, and the uh, it’ll- like, it’s gonna freeze, so…” 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor looked at Evan in confusion. He couldn’t hear Heidi through the phone, but from Evan’s expression, he assumed it wasn’t good news. The stuttered words confirmed it, and he turned to look out at the snow. It _had_ been coming down pretty heavy for a while, and was already pretty high, Connor presumed. If anything, he figured he was underestimating it. These people probably knew when to stay off the roads. 

“Oh, that’s fine,” he tried. “Um.” He checked his phone quickly for the time, and inhaled slowly. “Do you think it’s too late to call the Airbnb?” He fiddled with the home button on his phone. “Maybe I should text.” He tried to play off his tone as playful instead of nervous, but still crossed one arm over his chest. 

“I- um, y-yeah. Maybe you should- um, yeah, you should… probably te-uh, you should text them.” Connor noted absently that Evan’s words fell apart more when he was nervous. He could literally see Evan’s shoulders tensing up as he curled in on himself. 

“I guess I have to stay here,” he said, then bit back regret at the words, since they made Evan stiffen up even more. 

“Sorry- I, yeah, it’s safer, and- it’s really cold out, so like- you shouldn’t walk. I’m uh, I’m sorry.” He went silent, and Connor watched him for a second before looking back to the TV. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Evan wrap himself in a blanket. His hands were visibly shaking. Connor clenched his own hands against his thighs, nails digging into his palms. 

“Do uh, do you need anything? Like- tea, or, or milk, or something?” Evan shifted, but Connor kept his eyes on the TV. “Any-uh, anything in the kitchen, it’s uh, you can… have it.”

The offer made Connor shake his head without looking at Evan. “I’m good.” He brought his knees to his chest as Evan stuck a hand out of his blanket to press play on the TV remote. 

They sat in silence, while Connor switched between watching the TV and stealing brief glances at Evan, then out the window. It was silent outside, and the snow was steady, soft and dark and collecting at the edges of the windows. It was almost hypnotizing, and Connor could feel himself starting to space out. He blinked. 

“At some point can we check out the snow?” 

Evan didn’t respond for a delayed second, and Connor looked at him for just long enough to see how tired he looked, eyes half-lidded and head tilted forward. But he shook himself and met Connor’s gaze. 

“Um- do you want to- I mean, sure, yeah. Let’s go outside.” Evan was obviously tired, but he still sat up slowly. Though he kept the blanket, Connor noticed, and he had to stifle a yawn with one hand. 

Connor opened his mouth, shut it, checked the time, and looked at Evan, so visibly tired. It was past midnight, and more time had passed than he realized. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep.” 

Evan shook his head slowly and yawned again. “No I’m- I’m okay. The snow is uh, it’s really pretty. And uh, and really quiet. Come on, let’s go see it.” 

Connor perked up at that, and stood to follow Evan. He couldn’t help but notice Evan actually stammered less like this, and his eyes were glassy. He looked really cute. 

“Oh, um. Okay.” Connor looked out the window again instead of at Evan, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he followed Evan to the door, though he had to take his hands out again to pull on his boots. 

He watched Evan go to a door, which he revealed to be a closet full of coats and other related things. Connor watched him shuffle through the jackets, pulling out an unattractive blank jacket that looked too big for him, but definitely wasn’t his mom’s. 

“Here, this will, um, it’ll keep you warmer,” he said as he handed it to Connor. Connor held the jacket with one hand as he watched Evan pull on his own jacket and boots. The blanket was finally dropped to the floor. “You’ll- um, you want a scarf, too? I mean- do you have one?” 

“I have a jacket…” Connor muttered, as he stared at the jacket, then at Evan. He waited for Evan’s hands to be free, then gestured for him to take the jacket back. “I’ll be fine.” 

But Evan shook his head. “It’s uh, it’s below freezing out there, Connor… No jacket from um, from California is gonna be enough. No offense.” 

Connor gave Evan a puzzled look, surprised by the use of his own name, and then gestured a little harder for Evan to take the coat back. “I’m fine, Evan,” he retorted. It’s not like they’d be sleeping outside. 

It was obvious Evan had no response to that, so he took the jacket and hung it back up in the closet and closed the door. Connor watched him pull his hood up, then followed him to the door. They opened it quickly and shut it just the same, so as not to let too much cold air into the house. Evan was right, not that Connor would admit it; the air was freezing. 

“Um- go have fun, I guess? I’m uh, I’m gonna stand here.” 

Connor stood, stiff. The mood felt like it changed, except there wasn’t a “mood.” He shook himself, and stepped into the snow, slowly at first. It was soft, then the bottom layer crunched under his boot, loud in the muffled silence. It was otherwise completely quiet, and he was now realizing just how fucking cold it was. He didn’t bother responding to Evan, though, since he knew he would just get snappy. Instead, he took a few more steps out. The snow coming down was sticking to Connor and he couldn’t feel his face. 

It was pretty, though. Really pretty. 

He took a deep breath, then walked back to Evan. 

“Okay,” was all he said, mind a little fuzzy from the entirely unfamiliar situation and environment. 

The entire night had kind of fried him and drained all his energy, and while being outside helped and he wasn’t visibly shivering, Connor was definitely cold and already more than a little damp. He should’ve put the jacket on, but again, would never admit it. Evan was leaning against the front door, and he looked exhausted, shoulders slumped and hands in his pocket, face low in his jacket, but he straightened up when Connor walked up to him. 

“Do uh, do you wanna go inside now, or-?” 

Connor couldn’t do more than nod, arms crossed tightly and he fought off the impending cold. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

They made their way back inside, and since Connor was wet enough to drip on the floor, the first thing Evan did was grab one of the towels they kept in the closet for just this. He offered it to Connor, and said, “Do you- do you um, do you want to take a shower or anything?” He watched Connor wrap himself in the towel without even taking his jacket off, but didn’t do anything else to help.

“I’m fine,” Connor muttered, without moving from his place, frozen for a long minute, before finally bending over to take his boots off. Evan did the same, but that just left them standing in their socks and avoiding eye contact. 

Evan didn’t want to push Connor, but he couldn’t help but wring his hands and worry over how damp Connor looked. But he just went to grab a blanket to offer to Connor along with the towel. 

“Um.” He paused to swallow back a yawn. “I think… we should probably go to bed? I’m just- like, I’m a little tired. If that’s okay?” It was a question, like everything was, despite the fact that this was Evan’s house and Connor was the guest. 

Connor shrugged off the towel to trade for the blanket. “Okay.” His hair looked like it was already drying, and Evan’s mom kept the house warm enough he would probably be fine. “Where do I sleep. And- the bathroom-” He looked around, and Evan realized he hadn’t even shown him around. 

He waved towards a door down the short hallway. “Um- mom’s room for both? She uh, she has a little bathroom attached to uh, to her room. And you can… sleep there, too?” He shifted from foot to foot. 

“Is she okay with that? I can uh- sleep on the floor. Or something. If she doesn’t want me in her bed.” Connor almost turned to look at him, but Evan avoided looking at him and just nodded quickly. 

“No no! She uh, she suggested it. So- so it’s okay.” He really didn’t want Connor to have to sleep on the floor. 

“Oh… okay.” He watched Connor shift from foot to foot, grab his suitcase, then head down the little hall to his mom’s room. He disappeared behind the door, and Evan’s shoulders slumped in what he didn’t want to call relief. 

Evan didn’t even make it to the changing part of his nightly routine. He just dragged his feet to brush his teeth, shuffled to his room, and collapsed on his bed where he fell asleep within seconds, forgetting to even set an alarm so he woke up before Connor. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor hung his damp clothes over the shower in the small bathroom adjacent to Evan’s mom’s room, brushed his teeth, then peeked into the hall. There were two other doors, and since one door was open to reveal the bathroom, that meant the other door was Evan’s room. He stood and stared at the door, not thinking about anything in particular. 

Eventually, he gave up on whatever he was doing and went to sit on Evan’s mom’s bed. There was a window across from it with a view outside, and he focused on that. 

He could tell he wasn’t going to sleep for a while. 

The snow fell soundlessly, already piled up a good foot or so from what he could see, and showed no signs of letting up. The sky was a dull, dark purple, almost black, and reminded him of the Sacramento sky. A single streetlight was visible, giving the whole scene a much more eerie feel. 

For a moment, Connor considered texting Evan, maybe so say sorry for how awkward everything was. It wouldn’t change anything. 

He stayed looking at the snow for what felt like a lifetime, and woke up not even remembering how he ended up in bed, let alone asleep. He was a little confused, but mostly just cold, which was unfamiliar. He rarely woke up cold in Sacramento. But this wasn’t Sacramento. This was Evan’s house. In Michigan. 

Slowly, he slid out of bed, wondering if Evan was awake. In case he wasn’t, Connor moved slowly and tried not to make any noise as he grabbed a jacket from his bag. After a minute in the bathroom to make sure he was at least somewhat presentable, he shuffled into the hall. Evan’s door was open, and he wasn’t there, so he followed the hallway to the kitchen. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan woke up sometime in the early hours of the morning, managed to get up and change into pajamas, then went straight back to sleep. He then slept in what he thought was way too late, which put him into a minor panic until he looked at his phone and realized it was still just mid-morning. Slowly, he sat up, rubbed his eyes and got out of bed. The house was chilly, so he grabbed a hoodie and his slippers and went tip toeing out of his room. 

One glance into his mom's room told him Connor was still asleep, so he went on to the kitchen, as quietly as he could, where he first turned up the thermostat. Would it be weird to make breakfast? Did Connor even _eat_ breakfast? He ended up sitting on the counter and nibbling on pieces of untoasted bread while he waited for Connor to get up, just in case the noise of the toaster or a spoon against a bowl would wake him up.

Evan was most of the way through his piece of plain bread when Connor joined him in the kitchen. He blinked, still pretty sleepy, and kept nibbling his bread for a delayed second before he remembered how to use his voice. 

“G- um, good morning,” he mumbled. “Do you- um… Do you want anything for breakfast?” 

Connor crossed his arms around his waist. He did that a lot, Evan thought.“Is there still pizza?” 

Evan wasn’t sure; he wasn’t even sure if he remembered to put the pizza in the fridge the night before. While Connor  went to the window, Evan went to look for the pizza. He must’ve had the thought process to put the pizza in the fridge the night before, because when he hopped off the counter to check, he found most of the pizza shoved in there. He set the box on the counter and watched Connor watch the snow. 

“Does it always snow this much?” 

“Um- yeah. It kinda does. Sorry. Do uh, do you want the pizza heated up?” 

Connor didn’t answer, just hummed and walked back to the counter. “Does the door ever get blocked?” He grabbed a piece of the cold pizza and started to eat it like that, which at least answered Evan’s question. It made Evan cringe in mild horror as he watched Connor eat the cold, leftover pizza before he remembered to answer. 

“Oh, yeah, um. Definitely. We’ll probably need to use the uh, the broom and stuff to clean it all up when the door opens.” He must’ve been noticeably grimacing because Connor returned the look. 

“Can your mom get home okay?” 

Evan ducked away from Connor’s gaze and stared out the window. “Yeah, um. The snowplows are probably uh, they’re probably already clearing the roads.” 

“Oh…” To Evan, Connor almost sounded… sad. But he was probably reading too much into it, which he did often, so he tried not to think about it. He fidgeted with the sleeves of his hoodie to distract himself. 

“Do you- um,” he tried, then swallowed back his words and shook his head. He’d been about to ask if Connor wanted to stay here longer, instead of the Airbnb. Stupid. “Sorry, uh. Mom texted earlier?” He pulled out his phone so he could properly read the text. “She’ll uh, she’ll be home in a few hours to drive you to your uh, your Airbnb.” 

Connor crossed his arms and slouched, which worried Evan, but he tried not to let it get to him. “Okay,” was all he said at first, then, “Could we go for a walk, maybe?” 

Evan breathed an audible sigh of relief. “Yes! Yes, um, we can do that. Yes.” He sort of fled the kitchen, leaving Connor alone, to go grab his coat before coming back. He didn’t both changing his clothes, since he was just in sweatpants and a hoodie now. “Will you… will you please wear uh, wear the warmer coat? I really… I just really don’t want you getting sick…” As stubborn as Connor was, Evan knew how easy it was to catch cold in December. 

“Yes-“ Connor seemed to finally get just how cold the weather was, and nodded as he followed Evan back to the closet and doorway. Evan tried not to think about how short his tone sounded, which was only made worse when Connor snatched the jacket from him when it was offered. He was silent after that, leaving Evan to lead. 

He was glad Connor was at least wearing the coat, and he grabbed a pair of mittens from the closet, even though he knew his were in his pockets. If Connor got cold, he could offer him those. He stared at the door uncertainly. This was always one of his least favorite parts. Slowly, he opened it, and sure enough, the snow came tumbling in. 

“Aw geez- uh, ugh…” he quickly grabbed the broom from the closet and swept it all out, then stepped outside and waited for Connor so he could lock the door behind them. “Do you uh, want to maybe- we could go to the lake?” 

Connor looked at their surroundings, apparently processing it all. “Sure,” he eventually answered, obviously distracted as he made his way to the sidewalk. 

Evan didn't really think he should talk anymore, so he just zipped up his coat all the way and hunkered down into the collar, trailing a step or two behind Connor as he watched him look at the snow. Evan was pretty used to the blanket of white, but it was kind of fun to watch Connor experience it for the first time.

Evan took the lead once they started to actually walk, but made sure he could still see Connor. He was pretty used to walking in snow this deep, but it was obvious Connor wasn’t, which made Evan smile behind the collar of his jacket. 

He must have spaced out, because the next thing he knew, there was snow hitting his feet, and Evan had lived through enough midwestern winters to know what _that_ meant. Evan hadn’t expected the snowball, but he whirled around on instinct, and bent down to grab a handful of snow as he did it. 

“You- you realize I’m uh, I’ve probably had like- like, way more snowball fights than you, right?” He packed a ball of the snow together, and brandished it in one shaking hand. “So I’m like, a pro.” He tried not to laugh as he said it, but snowball fights came hand in hand with infectious laughter. 

Connor gave Evan an unreadable look, and cocked his head to the side as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and eyed Evan’s snowball. “Oh yeah?” Evan would never admit it out loud, but the small shift in Connor’s posture and tone was… Well. Evan tried not to think about it, and was glad the cold would hide any blush. 

Admittedly, Evan probably hadn’t had a snowball fight in a couple years. And his nerves were making his whole body tense and his hands shake in their mittens. But it was _impossible_ not to pull his hand back and throw the snowball (gently) at Connor’s chest, dead center. Despite the fact he’d aimed the snowball, Evan still made a weird, terrified squeak when it made contact, and the bits of snow fell down Connor’s front. 

“I- oh man! That was- it was kind of on instinct, I’m really sorry!” He covered his mouth with his snowy mittens, and bit his lip. 

Connor glared at him, sharp and pointed, but he was also definitely grinning, which made Evan smile behind his mittens. He was still shaking, but it wasn’t entirely bad. Only then Connor jolted toward him, and Evan nearly had a brief heart attack. 

He didn’t need to think for a second as he turned tail and tried to run. Except, he only made it all of a few steps before the ice under the snow got the better of him and he went flailing into the snowbank. The snow was still new, new enough that it poofed up around him, and when he sat up, he was covered in the stuff. He was definitely blushing now, and was red from his ears to the tip of his nose, where ice crystals were now melting. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor stood there, staring down at Evan in the snow. There was something about Evan in the past few seconds that felt different; different in a kind of way Connor decided not to think about. 

“You’re a- a uh, a menace,” Evan mumbled as he dusted himself off and stood up. “And here I was, I was gonna offer you gloves!” 

Connor just stared at Evan for a second, then doubled over in a fit of snickers. Whether it was the snow in Evan’s hair or the fact his face was inhuman shades of red, Connor couldn’t help himself. But he quieted and straightened up as Evan spoke, meeting his gaze. The snow made his eyes look really pretty. A soft smile took over Connor’s expression, and he realized Evan wasn’t the only one blushing. It was mostly from the cold. 

He stepped out of Evan’s way, and took a second to look him up and down, maybe a bit slower than was normal. He looked away a second later, humming in response to Evan’s comment. Then, he leaned over, and reached into the snow, which he flung at Evan without forming a proper snowball. 

The reaction was instant, as Evan yelped and tried to defend himself. But the snow just went past his hands and onto his face, since there wasn’t an exact snowball to block. 

“Hey!” Evan protested, and Connor dodged another snowball thrown his way. This one missed, and Connor flipped him off in response. He was still grinning. It didn’t take long for him to get used to being around Evan. He was really easy to be around. 

“C’mon, I wanna see this lake.” He turned to walk away, though made a mental note to get Evan back for the snowball to his chest from earlier. 

Evan hurried up to fall into step with him. “It’s um- it’s not far! And it really does kinda feel like the ocean!” He sounded so excited, and it made Connor smile to himself. Again. 

“I think we have different ideas on what the ocean feels like.” Nothing here felt like California, and he doubted the lake would be any different. Everything was covered in snow, but it was pretty sunny out, which felt contradictory, but was really nice looking. 

“I mean it!” Evan piped up, still in that eager tone. Connor also noticed Evan looking at him from the corner of his eye. “I mean- I’ve uh, I’ve never seen the ocean? But-“ Evan’s voice trailed off to a mumble, then perked back up. “But I’ve seen uh, I’ve seen pictures!” 

“You’ve never seen the ocean?” It was surprising, but then again, Connor was used to the ocean being nearby. 

Evan shook his head and shrugged. “I- uh, no… the only place I’ve ever visited is uh, is Denver. In Colorado?” 

Colorado and Michigan. Those states weren’t close together or similar, which made them an odd pair of places. “Why Denver?” 

“Oh- uh. My dad! That’s where he lives? So I visited there once when I was, um-“ Evan paused, and Connor noticed him counting his fingers through his mittens. It didn’t work very well. “I was small, do I um, I dunno how long ago it was? But yeah.” 

Connor watched him from the corner of his eye. “Oh.” He tried to think of some sort of ‘Oh, I’ve been abandoned too,’ but he had both his parents and anything else would’ve been out of place to add. “Hm.” 

He kept walking. It got quiet, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as before. 

“So-“ he started. “You said you like trees.” It was said without much thought and it probably showed. 

“Um- well, I uh, I guess? I was a… junior park ranger. So um- trees? I guess I kind of… know stuff about them. Which is lame, I know.” Evan was definitely rambling, but Connor didn’t totally mind it.

He tried to mask his laugh with a cough, covering his mouth. It wasn’t very graceful. “Junior park ranger? What does that even mean?” 

He watched Evan slouch lower into his jacket. “I uh… helped maintain the park and… stuff.” 

Connor nodded, making a face like he wanted to take Evan seriously but couldn’t. In all truth, he thought it was a little cute, but only a little. It was mostly majorly dumb. Which was cuter. “Well, um…” he breathed another laugh. “Thank you for your service.” He was only partially sarcastic.

“You-!” Evan shot back, but obviously lost his train of thought. “You’re kinda um, you’re… kinda ridiculous.” He was staring at his feet as he said it. 

“Mhmm.” Connor took the chance to look at him, then decided to push their boundaries and awkwardly nudged Evan with his shoulder in an attempt to keep the playful atmosphere going. 

“So, do you speak for the trees?” 

Evan visibly almost lost his balance, but he managed to nudge Connor back. “The Lorax? Really?” 

Connor snickered and rolled his eyes. He let himself fall silent again, a warm feeling in his chest. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan shoved his hands in his pockets and walked quietly, content for once with silence.  He wanted Connor to smile and laugh more but was a little lost on how to make that happen.

It was only a few moments before they came to the edge of the lake, and Evan walked along a little path and down to the icy edge of the lake. The sand was mostly covered in snow, and the edge of the lake was purely chunks of ice hitting together. They were definitely big enough that Evan could hop on them if he wanted to, but he just stood at the edge instead. 

“Well- uh. Here she is? Lake Superior…” 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor stopped dead in his tracks when the lake came into view. He could see it before through the trees, but due to it being half-frozen he didn’t notice just how close they really were. He stood at the end of the tree line, watching Evan move closer. It was nothing like the ocean he was used to. 

“Fuck,” was all he managed, then chased after Evan. “Holy shit.” 

Evan looked at him when Connor came over. “Is that a uh, a good holy shit, or uh, or a bad one?” 

His eyes darted between Evan and the lake before them. “It’s an ‘I’ve never seen anything like this before’ holy shit.” He was breathless.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan laughed quietly as he watched Connor. “Yeah?” The lake wasn’t anything new to him, he’d seen it a million times, but he’d never seen Connor see the lake for the first time. He wasn’t looking at the lake at all, he was only looking at Connor. 

Connor gave him a look. “Yeah.” 

Evan didn’t realize he was holding his breath until Connor looked back to the lake and took a step and then another step towards the lake, kicking some of the large ice shards. 

Evan toed a bit of ice and watched it fall into the water. “There’s a uh, a lighthouse? If you… want to go look at that, I guess?” 

“Why would a lake need a lighthouse?” Connor kicked the ice again, harder this time, and it broke against the toe of his boot. 

“Uh- because… there are massive boats that go through and… um. They don’t want to hit the peninsula, I guess?” Evan wasn’t actually sure why there was a lighthouse. But it was cool to go up and was usually pretty empty in winter. 

Connor looked suspicious as he peered across the lake. After a moment, he turned to Evan, kicking some snow at him. “Sure, let’s go.” 

Evan hopped away from the snowbank, and made his way towards the lighthouse. It was only a few minutes away by foot, and he stopped once they reached the door. From the distance, it looked more like a barn, with the building attached to the back of the tower. It was a brilliant red, with white accents, which only made it look more like a barn. There was a long food bridge covered in snow that lead towards the tip of the peninsula, but Evan ignored it. “Do you uh, do you wanna go all the way to the top?” 

“Do _you?”_ That wasn’t a helpful answer. 

“…Um. If _you_ want to?” Evan liked the top because it was a little windy and almost always empty in winter, and he liked watching the mirrors of the light.” 

“Sure,” Connor laughed. 

Evan tried to hide his embarrassment as he pushed the door open and headed up the stairs. The tight spiral was almost dizzying. “We can, um, we can stop at any time and go back if you want.” 

Connor was close on his heel. “Yeah, you too.” His tone was light. Evan smiled. 

He was out of breath by the time they reached the top, and kept his mouth below the level of his collar, since the air was cold enough to hurt to breathe. It really was a cool view, with a little railing and windows that were turned open. 

Connor looked at him for a moment, but he didn’t say anything, so Evan didn’t push him. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he’d decided to go up here with Connor, because he only ever went here to avoid people. “Um- are you, uh, are you… having fun, so far?” He wasn’t even sure he asked that, and of course, regretted it a second later. He watched Connor tap his fingers along the railing. 

“Yeah. It’s nice here. Are you?” Evan was so distracted he forgot to look away, so when Connor looked up at him and smiled, Evan was looking directly at him. It was almost too much. Almost. 

“Oh- well, um… yes? I uh, I like having you here.” He stared down at the lake below them so he didn’t have to look at Connor. 

Silence stretched between them, but the tension wasn’t uncomfortable, not in the usual way. It made Evan’s stomach feel like it was imploding on itself, and his chest felt like his heart was beating an extra beat. It was so quiet for long enough that when his phone rang, it made Evan jump. 

Hurriedly, he pulled off a mitten to answer. it. 

“Uh- hi, mom. We’re… oh, god, um, okay, we’ll head home. Yeah, see you soon. Bye.” He hung up, and turned to Connor. 

“We uh, we kind of have to go home and take you to your… your Airbnb.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor looked at Evan worriedly, his expression falling flat at the news. “Oh, right.” He managed to forget he wasn’t staying with Evan the whole week, and tried to hide the fact he was disappointed. “Right…” 

“Yeah…” Evan didn’t sound that enthusiastic about the idea, either. 

Both of their feet were dragging as they made their way down the steps and out the door, and then to the road back to Evan’s house. Connor crossed his arms in defeat as they walked, then shoved them in his pockets once they started down the road. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan was quiet as he walked, occasionally glancing over at Connor. It was weird, being so relaxed, because he’d been so tense and nervous the night before. And sure, he was still nervous, but the time messing in the snow had made Evan definitely feel a little less uncomfortable. 

They reached Evans house before he expected, and looked over at Connor, trying to ignore his own blush. “Um-“

But his nerves got the better of him and Evan hurried inside. 

“Sweetie! We need to get going, okay?” His mom was there a second after he made it inside, gesturing for Evan to keep his coat on. 

“Oh, uh- we need Connors stuff?” 

Heidi waved it off. “It’s in the car already, don’t worry. I need to get back to work, I’m sorry.” 

Evan was being whisked back out with Connor and towards the car before he processed any of it. It was a lot to keep up with. 

It wasn’t a long ride to the Airbnb but it felt like ages. Heidi chattered and Evan spaced out, but responded just enough for her to keep talking. The Airbnb was a really nice house, much larger than Evan’s, which made Evan feel a little embarrassed. Connor thanked his mom for the ride, and Evan waved listlessly from the passenger seat. 

And then Connor was walking to the door, and Evan could only stare at his back. 

Evan was quiet on the ride home, but his mom seemed to pick up on it, because she didn’t immediately get out of the car when they got back to the house, she turned to Evan with a knowing look. 

“Did you and Connor have fun?” It was a simple enough question, but it made Evan look away and, again, blush. Stupid embarrassment. 

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I, um- I kinda... wished he could’ve stayed longer.” 

Heidi nodded, and let him get out of the car before she returned. 

When he got inside, before even taking off his coat, he sent a text to Connor. 

_Today at 3:03pm_

_Me: I’m really glad you’re here._

It made his hands shake, but he was still running off the quiet high of being comfortable around Connor. (And seeing Connor smile.) 

His phone buzzed a second later. 

_Today at 3:05pm_

_Connor: me too_

Evan stared at the text for a minute, then set his phone aside and tried not to sulk as he went around tidying the house up and busying himself. He really wanted to go back and see Connor, but he didn’t want to seem clingy, so instead he texted Jared, because obviously that would solve everything.

_Today at 4:13pm_

_Me: How much time is an acceptable amount of time to hang out with someone?_

The reply was too quick for comfort. 

_Today at 4:14pm_

_Jared: surprised to hear from you. i assumed you got hit by a bus or something_

_Jared: having fun with your boyfriend?_

_Me: He’s not my boyfriend._

Evan glared at his phone. Jared had to say something like that, of course he did. But Evan tried to ignore it. Even more, he tried to ignore whatever feeling was twinging in his chest at the words. 

_Today at 4:20pm_

_Me: But you didn’t answer the question…_

_Jared: hello to you too, evan_

_Jared: as long as you guys want? how would i know_

_Me: Okay I guess. Are you ever going to want to meet him?_

Jared and Connor meeting sounded like a minor nightmare, and Evan wasn’t sure how he would handle that. But he still wanted to offer it, and he’d told Connor it would happen.

_Today at 4:32pm_

_Jared: is he cute?_

_Was_ Connor cute? Evan tried not to think about that. His smile was nice, and he was... definitely not unattractive. And sure, Evan had entertained the idea of a crush on him when they were kids and crushes were tiny and fleeting and all he really knew were short letters and sloppy handwriting. But now if Evan thought about it too hard, his thoughts definitely started to spiral. 

_Today at 4:37pm_

_Me: Cute isn’t the right word._

That was nice and vague and not a denial or confirmation. 

_Today at 4:39pm_

_Jared: but you like him_

_Jared: is he straight?_

_Me: Isn’t that kind of not really your business?_

Evan flat out ignored Jared’s first text. There was no way he was dealing with that. 

_Today at 4:44pm_

_Jared: but you want it to be yours_

_Jared: id love to meet him_

Evan didn’t want to answer that, because it made the spiraling thoughts just get even worse. But the second text he could handle. 

_Today at 4:47pm_

_Me: You could come over tomorrow if you want. I’ll text you when he’s here?_

_Jared: sounds good_

Evan sighed in relief, because texting Jared wasn’t always a guaranteed success. He’d made it to his room by then, where he was sitting on his bed. He could just go kill time, or he could... text Connor. Again. 

_Today at 4:59pm_

_Me: Jared’s coming over tomorrow. To meet you, kind of. Sorry in advance if he’s weird._

_Connor: ok_

Evan could overthink that single word text, or he could remind himself this was Connor he was talking to, and it was just how Connor texted. He luckily managed to persuade himself to focus on the second option, and left his phone on his bed and went to go watch TV, ending up on some weird reality show, perfect for distracting himself. 

He must’ve fallen asleep there, because the next thing he knew, his mom was tapping him on the shoulder. 

“Hey, I brought home some dinner?” She smiled down at him where he’d curled up against a couch pillow. “And I thought maybe we could talk?” 

Those were such classically anxiety-inducing words, but Evan managed to make it to the table and sit down as his mom handed him a box of some tacos from the weird little place on the corner.

“So- uh, what did you want to talk about?” He mumbled, in between small bites of the food. 

“Do you think Connor is lonely in that house all by himself?” 

He wasn’t sure. So he just shrugged. “I um- I don’t know...”

Heidi gave him another long look. “Do you want to maybe invite him over to stay the night again tomorrow?”

Evan hadn’t expected that suggestion, but he nodded before he even realized he was agreeing, which put him in the position he was still in a few minutes later, laying on his bed and staring at his phone. Should he tell Connor now? Should he wait? Should he be vague and find out if Connor even would want it? Vague seemed the best option, so Evan tried his best.

_Today at 5:33pm_

_Me: Mom is worried you’re lonely in your Airbnb all by yourself._

Once the text was sent, he fell back onto his bed and closed his eyes. It wasn’t even six, but he was exhausted. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The Airbnb was large, empty, quiet, and cold. Whatever warm glow he’d felt around Evan melted away as Connor closed the door behind him. He went straight to what was described as his bed room, and flopped onto the bed.

He hadn’t moved much when Evan mentioned Jared. All he’d done was curl up on his side instead of his back. He was tired, having not slept well the night before. He considered going to sleep right then and there but decided he should get up to eat at least. 

And text Evan back. 

_Today at 4:59pm_

_Evan: Jared’s coming over tomorrow. To meet you, kind of. Sorry in advance if he’s weird._

_Me: ok_

He didn’t have much to say when it came to texting, even if he felt like he should say more. He worried he’d be rude to Jared out of reflex. Made Evan wouldn’t mind? From what he’d heard about Jared, he was a force to be reckoned with. 

After texting Evan, Connor managed to find his way around the kitchen enough to make himself some toast, then went back up to “his” room. He distracted himself on his phone for a while, until Evan texted him again. 

It was sweet, and Evan’s mom was right, but he wasn’t sure how to respond. Lying wouldn’t be effective; he _was_ lonely and missed Evan, but not in a weird way. Just in a “he was nice to be around” way. But admitting he was lonely was dumb.

It took him almost half an hour to reply. 

_Today at 5:24pm_

_Me: ill be fine_

_Me: its not like i wont see you tomorrow_

That was better.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan was chewing on his lip as he read Connor’s text. That could mean plenty of things. He forgot sometimes that being vague wouldn’t help at all because Connor was also incredibly imprecise. 

_Today at 5:26pm_

_Me: No, yeah, I know. I think she just got the idea you should stay here._

Casual. Real casual.

But Connor replied almost immediately, which was rare. 

_Today at 5:28pm_

_Connor: like, tomorrow night?_

Evan hadn’t expected such a fast response, but he wasn’t about to complain. 

_Today at 5:31pm_

_Me: Yes._

The quiet buzz of anxiety made him second guess himself, so he added another text on. 

_Me: You don’t have to, though. If that’s too much._ __

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor moved his plate to the floor and curled up on his side again. 

_Today at 5:33pm_

_Me: no that sounds nice_

_Evan: You’re sure? You can say no if you don’t want to._

Connor made a face.

_Today at 5:39pm_

_Me: do you not want me to?_

Evan’s reply was instantaneous. 

_Today at 5:39pm_

_Evan: No no I do! I just don’t want to overwhelm you or something._

Connor didn’t reply after that. He meant to, but Reddit was easy to get lost in. He considered straight up going to sleep again, but instead, sat up. It wasn’t too late for a walk yet. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Sometimes, Evan hated how easily things could get lost in text, and how agonizingly long it took for a conversation to happen. He watched his phone for a bit, but gave up and went to distract himself with lame things like weird phone games and getting a snack. He would sleep eventually, hopefully, but for now he would just distract himself and check his messages too frequently.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Once his shoes were on, Connor stepped out onto the front step to stand in the cold and decide if he _really_ wanted a walk. Once he decided it wasn’t too cold yet, he headed to the sidewalk and made his way in what he hoped would be a walk around the block. 

The sky was dark, probably covered with clouds, and it was snowing again. He made a few snowballs to throw at trees, but eventually made it back to the house without getting too soaked. He was shivering when he got inside, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. 

He texted Evan back before crawling into bed to try and sleep. 

_Today at 6:22pm_

_Me: ill be okay, see you tomorrow_

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan was watching weird videos on his laptop when he got the text, and he tried to ignore how he smiled the second he saw it. 

_Today at 6:24pm_

_Me: See you then! :)_

He flipped his phone over and went back to watching stupid videos and ignoring the twisting in his stomach. After an hour or two, he was able to shut his laptop and turn over, tired from the emotional ride of the day. He wasn't exactly tired enough for sleep, but he still put his laptop on his desk and changed into pajama pants and a long sleeve shirt and climbed into bed, where he lay there for a while, just staring at his ceiling. 

It was weird having Connor there, in Michigan; definitely not in a bad way, but it made too many weird feelings happen in his chest and stomach. But Evan didn't want to think about those feelings, so he tried to focus on the nervous happiness he'd felt while they walked (played) in the snow, and eventually was able to drift off to sleep. 

He woke up to the uncomfortably bright sun and the sound of his Mom's car leaving the driveway. It might've been close to Christmas, but Heidi still had to work such long hours. He found a note taped to the fridge, a quick _Good morning! Feel free to have Connor over tonight, I'll be back before dinner!_ It was a nice note, objectively, and it reminded Evan to go back to his room to text Connor. 

_Today at 9:46am_

_Me: Hi. Good morning._

It hadn't occurred to Evan that he would probably need to take the bus to see Connor, but that was going to be a problem for future Evan. Right now, all he wanted to focus on was trying to hold a normal conversation with Connor to see what they were going to do today.

_Today at 9:54am_

_Connor: morning_

_Me: Do you still want to come over today?_

The only way to get Connor over would be to bus there and get him, then bus back, which sounded… tedious. But Evan would still do it. 

_Today at 10:09am_

_Connor: sure_

Evan was typing up a response to Connor’s text when his phone chirped, and a notification from Jared popped up. So he switched over to his conversion with Jared, an idea slowly forming in his head. 

_Today at 10:12am_

_Jared: we still hangin with connor today?_

_Me: Could I bribe you into picking him up? Please?_

If he could somehow get Jared into driving, it would more than cut the travel time in half. 

_Today at 10:16am_

_Jared: he didn’t stay with you? must’ve been a rough first date_

_Jared: whats the address?_

_Me: It wasn’t a date, and his mom booked a place for him to stay._

Evan glared at his phone. It was easier than any other expression. Then, it clicked. 

_Today at 10:20am_

_Me: Wait you’ll do it? And.. here, I think. Do you want me to come with? And I have to tell him._

He attached the address, then quickly jumped back to his conversation with Connor. 

_Today at 10:21am_

_Me: Jared could maybe pick you up? If that’s okay._

Then it was back to Jared. 

_Today at 10:21am_

_Jared: ive got nothing better to do_

_Jared: u can if u want to, am i going now?_

_Today at 10:22am_

_Connor: uhh sure_

Evan so rarely texted multiple people, it was weird and kind of stressful to juggle the two conversations. So Evan ignored Jared for a second and focused on Connor.

_Today at 10:23am_

_Me: Is now okay? And do you want me to go with him?_

_Connor: yeah and. only if you want to_

On one hand, it would be extra driving for Jared, but Evan also really didn't like the idea of just Connor and Jared in a car. It sounded like too much of a recipe for disaster, so he texted Jared. 

_Today at 10:27am_

_Me: Now is good, yeah. And maybe I should go with._

Then he jumped back to Connor’s thread. 

_Today at 10:28am_

_Me: I’ll text you when we’re leaving my house? It’ll be soon._

He let out a slow breath, then refocused back on his phone when Jared texted him again. 

_Today at 10:30am_

_Jared: omw_

Evan could only hope this wouldn’t be a terrible idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> made some itty bitty spelling n grammar fixes to chap 1 bc murphy (writing partner) looked over it and i have no brain cells  
> anyhoo. im [4hoots](https://4hoots.tumblr.com/) on tumblr n murph is [poshpigon](https://poshpigeon.tumblr.com/)
> 
> listen folks, when i say slowburn, i mean SLOWBURN. so like. idk. dont expect much for a hot min. 
> 
> ok goodnight xoxo


	3. 3. part one, chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again. heres some stupid idiots for quarantine.

Evan knew it would take a few minutes for Jared to reach his house, which meant he had time to change out of his pajamas and brush his hair. He grabbed his coat and put on his winter boots, then went to wait on the porch for Jared. He went to the sidewalk as soon as he saw the car, since he was well aware Jared would just honk, and that always startled him. 

"Hi,Jared," he said as he got into the car, hands numb from waiting out in the cold. 

He sent a quick text to Connor, alerting him they would be there soon. 

_Today at 10:53am_

_Me: We’re leaving now_

_Connor: ill be here_

“Hey, Evan!” Jared’s voice was just loud enough to make Evan wince, but he still smiled at Jared. “Nice to know you’ll still hit me up when you need something! How’ve you been?” 

“The bus would just… it would take so long,” Evan mumbled, mostly to himself. Jared’s car wasn’t cold, but it definitely wasn’t warm, and Evan was trying not to shiver. “Just- um, please don’t be… weird, I guess? With Connor.” 

Jared gave him a look. “Uh-huh,” he said, obviously only half-listening as he pulled up the address on his phone. Once he clipped his phone to the little holder on his dash, he turned to Evan. “Evan, buddy, have you ever met me? I’m like the coolest guy ever.” He laughed, and Evan gave him a concerned look.

“I’ll be nice,” he added, then reached over to change the radio station to something vague and pop-y, then switched the car into drive and slowly pulled away from the curb. 

Evan just stared out the window. He wasn’t exactly great at talking to Jared, and he was already pretty nervous about seeing Connor again. Connor was outside when they pulled up, and Evan really hoped he hadn’t been standing out there the entire time he was waiting.

“Wow,” Jared said, as he turned into the driveway, and Evan braced himself for whatever was about to come out of his mouth. “He’s hot.” 

Evan nearly choked, but couldn’t fixate on the comment, because Connor was already opening the door and climbing into the back seat. 

“So, where to?” Jared looked at Evan expectantly. 

Evan was rapidly regretting this decision. _Very_ rapidly regretting it, and he had to force himself not to just hide his face behind his hands and ignore everything and everyone. But he couldn't do that. 

“Uh- we could, um... get breakfast?" It would be more like brunch now, but that was a pretty neutral thing, right?

“Not sure it’s still considered breakfast at eleven in the morning, but we can go to Denny’s or something?” Jared sounded like he was teasing, but that was kind of just how he sounded all the time. He turned to Connor. “You cool with that?” 

“Sure.” Connor didn’t look at Jared when he said that, he looked at Evan. It made Evan squirm. 

“Then we’re off!” Jared backed out of the driveway and took off towards the west side of town, where most of the restaurants and stores were located. 

“So, Connor…” Jared started, and Evan winced. “What brings you to Michigan?” 

“Oh, um. My mom wanted me gone so she sent me here. To visit Evan.” 

“What a waste of a trip,” Jared laughed, and Evan wanted to groan. He didn't protest, which was about as close as he was going to get to confirming the plans. At least maybe like this, he could get out of making decisions? But Jared was looking at him expectantly, so he laughed along with Jared as best he could. 

"Yeah, uh-huh. Um-yep." Talking. Talking was not easy, so he slouched a little and pulled his jacket up to let them just interact. That would probably be easier than trying to keep up with both of them.

“What’s Sacramento like?” At least Jared could keep the conversation going, Evan thought to himself. 

“Busy,” was all Connor said. 

Jared glanced at Connor, then at Evan, then back to Connor. “So what kind of music do you like?” 

Connor hesitated for a beat. “Punk rock.” 

Jared glanced at Evan, then smirked. “Oh cool, Evan likes One Direction.” 

Evan was mostly tuned out, honestly, partially because he was exhausted and partially because he was way too worried Jared would say something weird, so he did everything he could to ignore what Jared was saying. ...Which was why he missed what Jared said for a whole second. Then - 

_"Jared!"_ he yelped, whipping around and looking at him with wide eyes. "I don't! I uh- it was- a phase! And mom bought me the album, cause she- she uh, she doesn't know what teenage boys like!" The album had actually been three albums, and Evan had memorized all the songs, but Connor didn't need to know that, and Jared didn't need to broadcast that to the world. 

Connor just looked at him. Evan wanted to be literally anywhere else than in that moment. 

“My sister likes them.” 

Evan was probably (definitely) blushing now. Jared was grinning from ear to ear. 

“I was twelve…” he mumbled again. “I was twelve and didn’t have the uh, the heart to tell Mom they weren’t… the right music.” 

He shot a look at Jared, suspicious of that smile. That was the kind of smile that made Evan a little nervous and suspicious. Jared winked. Connor shifted in the back seat. 

“It’s cool, Jared probably thinks he’s unique for listening to EDM.” 

Evan half glared at Jared, then snickered quietly at Connor's response.

“Don’t listen to him, Evan,” Jared waved Connor off. “He’s just jealous.” He turned to pull off into the Denny’s parking lot, stopping sharply which made Evan’s stomach lurch as he grabbed the door for stability. 

“Jared- jesus..." he muttered, then got out of the car quickly. "Let's just uh, eat some pancakes or something." He was extra tense now, shoulders all hunkered up to his ears and hands shoved in his jacket as he looked between Jared and Connor. Jared got out of the car first, then opened the door for Connor, who climbed out and just stood there. Evan watched them stare at each other, almost like two predators from different orders. It felt like Jared knew something Evan didn’t, and it made him uneasy. Whatever it was, it made his stomach feel vaguely ill and he ducked his head down to go through the door. 

Inside, the hostess gave them an overly chipper smile, and ushered them to a table, and Evan sat down first so he didn't have to deal with decided to sit next to either Connor or Jared, because that was a decision that would've been way too stressful. Jared sat next to him, and that left Connor in front of both of them. 

“Did you know Evan is sugar-powered?” Jared grabbed a jam packet from the end of the table and handed it to Evan as he spoke. It made him reach across Evan since he was on the outside, but Evan took the jam automatically and tore it open, then paused before eating it. It was such an instinctual action he forgot it was actually kind of a weird thing to do. 

“I do now,” Connor replied, and Evan wanted to shrink away under his gaze. 

"I'm not.. sugar powered.." he picked at the jam with a spoon anyway, trying to eat it as cleanly as possible. He tried not to notice Connor looking between him and Jared. 

“You’d like my sister.” He was staring straight at Evan now.  Somehow the idea of getting along with Connor's sister, the one he seemed to fight with pretty regularly, was... slightly disheartening. He set his now-empty jam packet off to the side. 

"Oh, good," was all he said, then reached for a grape jam packet to eat that one too to distract himself.

“I hate when he eats the grape ones,” Jared said, giving Connor a dramatic look. “What a cheap flavor.” Connor looked away from them, out to the snow outside. Evan ate the rest of the grape jam, then pointedly looked at Jared as he reached for a second grape one. It was a tiny, petty gesture, but that's the kind of thing you did with someone that was technically a childhood friend. 

Thankfully the waitress showed up with her bright smile and overly enthusiastic attitude. 

"Do any of you boys want anything to drink?" she said, smiling at them all with overly white teeth. 

Evan shook his head, leaning away from her slightly. No matter how much he liked the idea of hot chocolate or tea, he was definitely not about to deal with saying that.

“Connor, do you like hot chocolate?” Jared asked, after a long pause. Connor nodded, so Jared held up three fingers to the waitress. “Three hot chocolates.” He smiled his sweetest smile, and she went on her way. 

Evan stared at his grape jam, but then Jared reached over and snatched the grape jam from Evan and set it on the far edge of the table. 

“So, _boys,”_ he said, mocking the waitress’s tone. “Do you guys want anything to eat, or? My mom gave me money for the day so it’s my treat.” Jared gave Evan a friendly look, and Evan resigned himself to the fact that he would definitely owe Jared big time. Later. 

Evan looked forlornly at the jam packet now out of his reach. There were only "mixed fruit" ones now, and he didn't like those. But he was quietly grateful Jared just went ahead and ordered the hot chocolate. 

"I have uh.. money. From mom, so that's.. um. Okay." He unzipped his jacket since it was too hot and he was almost relaxing. "I can-um, I can pay for Connor’s- er, yours too?" He ended it by looking at Connor briefly, his nerves deciding that was the perfect time to flare up. "I mean, just because- mom gave me the money, so…"

Jared sat back, studying Connor, who looked to Evan, then back to Jared, before settling on Evan. 

“Oh, I actually- I wasn’t planning on eating,” Connor finally said. 

Evan shot a worried look at Connor. “Uh- are you sure? Because… break-er, lunch- um. Brunch is important.” 

Connor made a face. “I ate before leaving.” 

Evan couldn’t really argue with that, and the waitress came back before anyone could say anything else. Jared motioned for Evan to order first, and  Evan made a mental reminder to himself to later get back at Jared for putting him on the spot. But he managed to stutter his way through ordering a stack of pancakes, hiding his hands under the table as they betrayed him by shaking, and staring resolutely in front of him as he waited for the waitress to leave. Sure, the whole ordeal could have gone a lot worse, but Evans cheeks and ears were still burning in embarrassment. Jared nudged him playfully under the table,  then ordered pancakes and mozzarella sticks. 

“So,” He began again, crossing his arms on the table and looking at Connor. “You have a sister?” 

Connor smiled, but it was tight-lipped and tense. “Zoe, yeah.” 

“She cute?” Jared teased. 

“She’s sixteen.” 

Jared shrugged and muttered to Evan, “Hasn’t stopped me before,” and elbowed him in the side, lightly, while laughing. He looked back to Connor. “…Do you guys get along? I’m an only child and Evan only has half siblings.” 

“Not really,” Connor shrugged, clearly not enjoying the conversation. 

Evan wasn't exactly paying attention to what they were saying, but he looked over and noticed Connor didn't exactly look... relaxed. He wanted to help, or at least add to the conversation, but wasn't sure how. 

“Uh- you know, um-" he tried, coughed, and tried again. "You don't... have to answer all of Jared's... questions," he said. "They can get… invasive.” 

Connor shrugged again, and would’ve started talking, but the waitress arrived with their food before he could get much of a response out. She left the pancakes in front of Evan and Jared, and the mozzarella sticks in front of Connor, then smiled and went back to the kitchen. Connor eyed the basket of mozzarella sticks, glared at Jared, and pushed them away. 

Evan poked at his pancakes for a second before giving up and reaching for the syrup to dump it all over and actually eat it, even if he still took small bites and tried not to be messy. 

“Um- do we want to.. go to my house or, uh- somewhere else after?” He posed the question pretty openly, still keeping his eyes fixed on his pancakes.

Jared nodded. “Your house sounds good,” he said, through a mouth full of pancake. He swallowed, then sat back. “Hey, Connor, you look like the drug type. Do you smoke?” 

Connor’s glare in response looked more genuine than usual, and Evan’s stomach churned. But still, Connor nodded slowly, then reached over and gingerly picked up a mozzarella stick. “You a cop?” he said, then took a deliberate bite of the mozzarella stick. 

Evan actually full-on choked on a bite of pancake. Sometimes Jared's questions were so nosey he wondered if Jared had ever been slapped over one. But he did look briefly to Connor. The answer didn't exactly... surprise him... But it was still a small shock to have it confirmed. 

“Awesome, we should do that.” Jared looked at Evan, raising his eyebrows; a  look that made him shift uneasily. That was his 'I expect something from you' look, and Evan tried to avoid it. 

“Uh- Mom is getting back at- at uh... dinner time." That wasn't an official offer to Jared, but it wasn't him denying it. He did kind of owe him, after all.

Jared shrugged and turned to Connor. “Maybe next time.” He winked, and Connor didn’t react. Silence fell. 

The silence didn’t last long. Jared was a master at disturbing silence. “Do you drive?” It wasn’t a nosey question, but Evan still wished Jared would leave Connor alone. 

“Yes.” Connor’s word was clipped. Jared raised an eyebrow and looked at Evan like it was his turn to talk. 

Evan sighed a small sigh of relief when Jared seemed to be done with his mild interrogation. 

"We could- ah," he had to pause to swallow a bite of pancake. "We could go play video games at my house I.. guess?"

Connor didn’t react strongly, but Jared at least shrugged and finished off his last bite of pancake with a flourish. “Sure, but I call player 1.” 

“Sure, Connor said, short and clipped again.” 

Evan finished his pancakes and pushed the plate a little ways away. “Um- cool, okay. But uh, I only have two controllers, so- um. We'll have to take turns." Maybe he could just let Connor and Jared play, because Evan was god awful at video games even if he tried so hard every time, and really didn't feel like an entire afternoon of Connor witnessing him being crushed by Jared.

Jared stood. “Cool, let’s do that.” He took the receipt they’d gotten and brought it to the register. There was no time for Evan to pay, Jared took care of it, but Evan made a mental note to pay him back later as they made their way back outside. 

Evan followed behind slowly, looking at Connor for a delayed second like he was going to say something. But he didn't, and climbed into the car instead. 

“Jared- uh, how long do you plan on staying?" Evan was slowly beginning to realize that inviting Jared over might last hours, it might last twenty minutes, and he really would prefer it to be the latter. But Jared just gave him a weird hand gesture, an even weirder facial expression, and a vague noise. So, basically, not at all helpful.

Driving home was kind of awkward, but thankfully free of invasive questions. But they still made it back, all went inside, tracking snow that quickly melted, and were eventually in the living room. Jared took up half the couch, so Evan sat closer to him so Connor could take the end. It wasn't a total coincidence, because in no way did Evan trust Jared being that close to Connor. That was all. 

His earlier misgivings about playing and continuously losing to Jared turned out to be true, and he was pretty soundly beaten. He had just enough time to kind of get into the game, too, so it was with a small, disappointed shrug of his shoulders that he handed the remote to Connor. 

“Good- uh, good luck," he mumbled, just a little put out at the instant loss. "He's.. annoyingly good at this so- uh, yeah. Good luck.” 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor took the remote from Evan kind of awkwardly. He definitely wasn’t trying to avoid touching hands or anything. While Jared loaded up Mario Kart and queued up a round of matches. 

“So what do I get when I inevitably win?” said Jared, shooting a smirk at Evan. Connor scoffed to himself, selecting his character and waiting for Jared to start the match. 

The first round was slow; Connor was clearly nervous, and Jared won the first lap with ease. The next two were a little more stressful, but Jared still pulled in first. Connor was tense and hoped Evan didn’t notice. He clenched his jaw, now actually trying to focus. Jared didn’t do anything fancy to win, he played pretty standard. That made it easy for Connor to strategize. 

Jared still won the second round. 

Connor won the third, but just barely. 

Jared won the fourth, and shouted in triumph, which startled both Connor _and_ Evan. Connor breathed out and spoke without looking away from the TV. “Again. Play me again.” He ignored Jared side-eyeing him. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

Connor absolutely pummeled for the first two rounds, and Jared was noticeably surprised and distressed, and he chose the hardest track for the fifth and final round. Any normal person had a hard time on this map, but Connor wasn’t scared. 

It was really close, but Connor won. 

The energy in the room relaxed now that the match was over, and Connor huffed in triumph, grinning as he looked down at his controller. 

Jared pulled himself upright and said, “Pretty good, for city scum.” 

Connor gave him a questioning look, still grinning. Jared eyed him flatly, then pushed himself up into a standing position. “Okay, well, your boyfriend beat me fair and square, I’ll leave you two alone for celebratory making out.” He tossed the controller to Evan. 

It was pretty obvious that Evan wasn’t expecting that, and Connor snickered to himself when the controller hit Evan square in the chest, which made him jump. 

“He’s not- we’re not- we’re not going to- to- ma- m- to _do_ anything like that!” he yelped, which just made Jared laugh. Connor focused on his controller. “So like- so shut up! Or something.” Evan wasn’t very good at retorts, Connor noticed, especially since Jared just smirked, still staring down at Evan, now with his keys spinning around one finger. 

“But… uh. Thanks for uh, for hanging out and driving and stuff,” Evan added. “I uh, I owe you.” 

Jared turned away and headed to the door, still swinging his keys on his finger, and called back, “You sure do!” 

Connor waited until he heard the door shut, and then sat back against the couch. He set the controller next to himself and glanced at Evan for a little longer than necessary. 

“That was fun.” 

Evan didn’t look at him, just stared at the TV with his hands in his lap. “Yeah! Uh- Jared is uh, well, he’s fun? I’m glad you guys…” he paused. “… didn’t kill each other?” 

Connor nodded, agreeing. There was a drawn-out silence before Connor remembered a question he’d wanted to ask since day one. Jared mentioning smoking earlier at least made it clear Evan was aware of the topic. 

“Do you uh, do you smoke?” 

Evan visibly tensed up. “Uh…” he shifted, twisting his hands in his lap. Connor regretted asking. “Jared does? And- and uh, he uh, he smokes here sometimes because… his mom is gone a lot? So. Yeah.” That was pretty much what Connor assumed. 

“So how’d you meet Jared?” He was trying really hard to keep from going silent. 

“We- uh, our moms? They’re friends. So I’ve known him for…” Connor watched him count on his fingers again, just like the day before in the snow. “Almost ten years, I think?” 

Ten years with Jared sounded like an absolute nightmare. No wonder Evan turned out the way he did. He brushed away a tinge of jealous; ten years with Evan sounded like heaven. He tapped a finger on his knee. 

“Cool.” 

They sat in silence, Conor biting his lip and not looking at Evan, and Evan… probably doing the same, but Connor didn’t check. The silence was definitely starting to become too heavy, but there wasn’t anything to do inside other than Mario Kart. Evan broke the silence first. 

“Do uh, do you want to go out in the snow again? Like uh, like yesterday.” 

Yesterday felt easier, and Connor liked the idea of maybe getting back to that. He pulled out his phone to check the time, not that he really cared. “Oh, um. Sure.” He looked at Evan and waited for him to get up so he could follow. 

Evan stood to head to the door, and made it all the way to grabbing his coat before hesitating.

“I- uh, unless you... don't want to? Or- or, uh, if you want to go back to your Airbnb?”

Connor followed, and pulled his boots on. “No, I’m fine.” He stood, hands in his pockets, looking at Evan. “Unless you want me gone.” 

“No- no, that’s not it.” Evan paused to pull on his coat. “I just- uh, I mean, this is your vacation, so-“ he gestured vaguely between Connor and the door. “You don’t have to uh- to spend it all here with me? If you uh, if you want to go exploring on your own? You… can.” 

“The whole point was for me to see you.” Connor stopped himself from saying more. It was embarrassing how desperate his parents were for him to have a friend. He watched Evan fidget with his boots and jacket before finally straightening up and heading to the door. 

Connor followed him outside and waited on the step while he locked up the door. It was another beautifully freezing day in Michigan. He shivered, waiting for Evan to start walking. Except Evan paused, the key hovering in front of the lock. Connor stared at him. 

“Do you want to go- I mean, uh, have you ever gone uh, gone ice skating before?” 

Connor blinked. “Once. A really long time ago.” 

“Would you… want to go?” Evan was still holding the house key as he looked at Connor. “There’s a uh, a little rink about… ten minutes walking distance away from here? It’s um, it’s like, it was just frozen over last week, and it’s usually pretty empty.” 

Connor zipped up his jacket, then stopped midway at the question. His chest felt warm, which made him shiver even more. He considered asking Evan for a scarf, but they were already outside. He shrugged, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Sure.” 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

For some reason, Evan hadn't expected Connor to agree, and felt a little stupid as he turned around to open the door. 

“Oh- well, I need to grab the uh, the skates, so one second.” He gave Connor a quick, nervous smile, then went inside to dig around in the closet. Connor wasn't.. that much taller than him, so he grabbed his own skates and then his mom's as well. His phone chirping from his pocket surprised him, and before he went back outside to Connor, he sent Jared a short reply. 

_Today at 1:15pm_

_Jared: he likes you, ur welcome_

_Me: Yeah. We're friends._

_Jared: whatever, but i want to be at the wedding. does he have instagram?_

_Jared: it’d be nice to keep tabs_

Then he pocketed his phone and went outside, carrying the skates by their laces. 

"Sorry, uh- I kinda… had to grab these." He lifted the skates halfheartedly, then set off to the sidewalk. It was about a ten-minute walk to the little rink, which was a kid's soccer field in the warmer months, so it wasn't super big, and was very rarely actually used.

The walk wasn't super long, and made them cut through a small forest and then through the parking lot of his old elementary school. Neither of them said anything, but it was the comfortable type of silence Evan didn’t mind. Connor seemed content to look around them, and Evan could space out for a few minutes. But they made it to the little rink eventually, and Evan set the skates on a snowy bench. 

"Okay, um- this is just, uh... I have to ask. Do you even know how to really skate?" He felt a little bad asking it like that, but Evan really didn't want to just leave Connor on the ice and then have him fall and injure himself. That would be pretty bad, and Evan would never be able to forgive himself. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor let his arms hang slack at his sides as they walked, enjoying the view more than anything. He decided pretty quickly he’d never get used to seeing a city covered in so much snow. 

At the park, he brushed a section of snow off the bench so he could sit down, leaving enough space for Evan. 

“I do not.” He figured it wasn’t much different from roller skating, not that he was particularly good at that, either. He wondered is skateboards worked in this type of weather.  


Evan hesitated, then sat down on the bench next to him, placing his own black skates in front of Connor. “They uh, they might be a little bit small? But um, it’s probably better, since too big ones can lead to injury, and… yeah.” 

Connor watched Evan take the guards off the blades, then begin to loosen them up enough to stick his foot in each skate. Evan obviously knew what he was doing as he pulled the laces tight, then quickly tied the knot and stood up once both skates were on. He didn’t wobble at all. 

“Oh! Uh, here?” Evan pulled out a pair of gloves from his pocket and offered them to Connor. “You’ll uh, you’ll want these. Just in case.” 

Connor took the gloves with a quick, “Thanks,” but set them off to the side. He hesitated before putting on the first skate, but it was similar to lacing up his boots, so he hurriedly finished lacing them up, then put a hand on each side of his legs on the bench, in no hurry to stand. 

He took the gloves and tucked them into his pocket, and loosened his grip on the bench to push himself up. It was about as weird to walk as he expected, but the skates fit surprisingly well. He tried not to think about it too much. 

The walk to the rink was awkward. Not even Evan looked graceful as they hobbled to the edge of the rink. It was surrounded by a chain-link fence, but there was a gap in it, and that’s where Evan lead them. Connor reached out to grab the fence to steady himself while Evan stepped onto the ice, then turned to Connor. 

“If you uh, if you need help, I’m… around?” He gestured towards the rink behind him. 

Connor glanced back to the bench. “Can I uh, just watch you? For a little…?” 

“I- um. Sure?” Connor watched him dig the toe of his skate into the ice and twist it. “We can uh, we can always just… leave, if you uh, if you don’t want to skate.” 

Connor folded his arms across his chest. “No, it’s okay.” He did want to skate, he just didn’t know the first thing about ice skating. Asking for help was out of the question, so he figured he’d just watch for now. He glanced at Evan, who now appeared taller from the skates. He shifted from foot to foot, which made the skates slide in the icy snow, dislodging himself from his spot in the snowbank. “I just need a minute.” 

Evan lingered for a minute, but eventually turned to do a loop around the rink. Connor kept holding himself, examining Evan and the way he maneuvered around the ice. He had… really nice legs. Which was a weird thing to think about. 

He stared, trying not to do that thing he did where he started thinking about all the nice features Evan had, and then end up flustered next time they had to interact. Because that would be very soon, since Evan was heading towards him. He could handle that, right? He shook the thought away, almost instinctively reaching out to Evan when he approached. He stopped himself just in time. 

“Do you- um. Have you ever gone roller skating?” Evan asked, one hand hovering in front of his chest. If Connor didn’t know better, he’d think Evan was about to offer Connor his hand. “Because it’s- uh, it’s basically the same thing, only… on ice.” 

“Not for a while,” Connor answered, stepping hesitantly onto the ice. It was weird, but not totally alien; watching Evan definitely helped. He held his arms at his side, trying to balance and looking at Evan for approval. The way Evan was looking at him made him straighten his posture, trying to match it. 

He took a step, and his heart stopped immediately when he nearly slipped. 

The only reason he didn’t fall was because Evan was there without Connor processing what happened. Evan was there, holding his elbow, extremely close. Connor froze the moment Evan grabbed him, and was still tense when Evan stepped back. 

“Try not to uh, try not to let your feet like… slide away from each other,” Evan mumbled. “And uh, it… it helps to have support. If you want.” 

Connor stood, stiff and wobbly, but he didn’t fall. “Yeah. Thanks.” He touched where Evan’s hand had been a moment before. He hated asking for help. 

Evan hovered near him, glancing between Connor’s feet and his face and the ice and his own skates. It didn’t help relax Connor. But after a painfully long second of Connor just standing there, Evan reached out a hand. Connor eyed it. 

“You.. it really is easier… holding onto something,” Evan explained. 

Connor hesitated, as if it was a bad idea or a risky thing to do, which was dumb because it was just Evan and they were just ice skating. He swallowed thickly, and reached out to grip Evan’s arm. It was a lot easier this way and he was able to fix his posture without falling over. He could probably even actually skate like this, despite his heart being in his throat. 

Luckily, Evan stayed quiet. All he did was place one mittened hand over Connor’s. “Okay, um… I’m gonna… move now?” Slowly, very slowly, he started to skate along the edge of the rink, pulling Connor with him. 

Once they started moving, it was actually pretty easy. But he had a feeling that was because Evan was helping (dragging) him. Once they’d done a lap or two, he stopped staring at his feet and looked around the field. 

“It’s nice out,” he tried. He felt stupid the moment the words left his mouth. He gripped Evan’s arm even tighter as they started on another lap. “I, uh. I like the snow.” 

“The… yeah. The uh, the snow is really pretty.” Evan sounded just as uncomfortable and nervous as Connor felt. 

After another lap, Connor tried to let go. He was able to go for a few seconds alone, but preferred holding onto Evan. He half-heartedly held out his hand, not sure if Evan would notice. He wasn’t looking at the snow anymore. 

“Do you want- uh.” Evan gestured at Connor’s hand. “Do you need um, help balancing? It’s okay if you still do! It’s just… easier. With someone.” 

Connor looked down at his hand, then at Evan. He pulled his hand back for a moment. “I- no, um. Maybe.” 

Evan hesitated. Connor almost pulled his hand back. Then, Evan held out his hand again. This time, Connor took Evan’s hand, which was kind of weird, since Evan was wearing gloves and he wasn’t. But it helped make it less direct, which he appreciated. Hand in hand like that, they continued their slow laps. 

Connor tried not to look at Evan. If his gloves weren’t between them, Connor’s brain would be fried, but thanks to the shield of fabric he was able to do another lap. Then, he finally caved and looked at Evan. 

He didn’t see the big deal, really. They were holding hands, that was it. In fact, he didn’t even consider it holding hands. But Evan’s face was red, and he appeared to be focusing incredibly hard on their skating, gaze pointed away from Connor and held there. Connor’s face soon felt equally hot. 

On a whim, he let go, naturally stepping back, except they were still skating. His foot slipped as soon as he tried to lift it and he fell backward, flat onto the ice. After a second of shock wore off, Connor looked up at Evan, half laughing to himself, just in time to see Evan turn too sharply around, which resulted in Evan landing squarely on his butt on the ice. This made Connor laugh even harder. He gave Evan a pitied look, not thinking to ask if he was okay. 

“I think the ice is telling us to keep holding hands,” Evan sputtered. 

“No, no,” Connor said, once the laughter stopped and he could start to heave himself carefully back onto his feet. “I think I’m done for now.” He rested his hands back in his pockets and looked Evan up and down. “I wouldn’t mind watching you, though.” He meant to say it in a casual tone, but the mix of him laughing and the rush of falling made it come out… in an almost suggestive tone. 

He took a quick breath. “I mean-“ he paused. “I don’t know what I mean.” He laughed again, quiet and at himself this time. He walked in the snow along the edge of the rink and got close to Evan without having to properly skate, offering him a hand, still sort of smiling. 

“You- ah- I’m… a little tired,” Evan mumbled, then slowly reached out to take Connor’s hand. “Um- maybe we should, uh... go back? We could have uh, hot cocoa or something?" He obviously didn’t need Connor’s help standing. Connor smiled softly at Evan, staring a little longer than necessary. He watched Evan step off the ice and reluctantly let go of his hand so they could walk back to the bench. 

“That actually sounds really nice,” he said, a little delayed. He sat to undo the skates, feeling more comfortable than before. Briefly, he thought about how both ice breakers that lead to momentarily feeling comfortable included Evan falling and both of them laughing. 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan sat down with Connor to mutely take off his skates, ducking to hide his smile in the collar of his jacket. If he just kept falling, then maybe Connor would do more of the whole… laughing and smiling thing, and Evan liked that idea. 

Once he had his normal boots back on, he stood up, a little shaky. The change from ice skates to normal shoes always threw him off and he swayed slightly. 

"Do, um- I can carry those, if you want?" he offered, gesturing to Connor’s ice skates and holding out his hand. He held his mom's skates in his other hand by the laces wrapped around his palm. But instead of handing his skates over, Connor wrapped the laces around his hand, then reached towards Evan with his free hand. 

“You carried them here, I got it,” he said, but Evan shook his head and held his skates away. 

“You're the guest so- um, I can carry them!" A little voice in his head that sounded like Jared pointed out that if they both had a free hand, why not try holding hands again? Or maybe that was just the after effect of holding hands with Connor and realizing how much he liked it.

Connor shrugged and took his hand back and slung the skates over his shoulder. “I’ll at least carry these ones.” 

"If you say so," Evan said, matching Connor's shrug and heading back home. The walk wasn't as awkward as the way there, which was like a weight off of Evan's shoulders. Sure, being around Connor set his nerves on fire, but that was just kind of normal. There was also the easy, comforting feel of having Connor around, and it kept making Evan smile as he walked.

“So- what kind of sweets do you like?” 

He was so lost in thought, Connor’s voice startled him. Evan hadn't expected the question, so it took a second for him to think of an accurate answer. “I- um, I like... fruity things? I guess?" 

“I prefer sour stuff.” 

Evan made a slightly disgusted face, but tried to hide it in his jacket collar. “Um- like... like sour candy? Because.. there aren't many sour sweets that uh, that aren't candy.”

Connor stared at his feet. “Yeah.” 

Evan kind of wished he could take his answer back, but he wasn't entirely sure what was wrong with it. They weren’t walking very quickly, and he was pretty up in his head, so when Connor fell back a few paces, set his skates off to the side, and started collecting snow for another snowball, Evan was oblivious. But the snow on his feet when the snowball hit his boot made him jump slightly, and that stupid, slightly competitive feeling snowball fights always awaken in any normal human was rising up. 

"H-hey!" he yelped, bending down to grab snow to kind of dump on Connor's shoes in retaliation. It wasn't very good for making snowballs, and he had to shake his mittens off, but it kind of worked. He gave Connor a slightly defiant (but still nervous) half-smile. "I told you I um- I told you before, snowball fights are uh- you know, my… area of expertise?”

Connor stood his ground, smiling at Evan again. If a snowball fight was what made Connor smile, Evan would throw a snowball fight. His skates also dropped to the ground, leaving both hands completely free.

“I’m probably faster than you, though,” Connor said, then threw some of the powdery snow at Evan by hitting the snowbank with his hand. It went up in a plume of ice crystals, too spread out for Evan to successfully protect himself from. 

“That's- hey that's not fair!" Evan sputtered as the snow stuck to his nose and cheeks and lips, and kind of blindly reached down to grab as much as he could and hurl it at Connor. He shook his head to get the snow off and reached for more, balling it up more successfully and solidly throwing it at his chest. It was a pretty small snowball, so Connor didn’t even bother to brush it off, just gathered up two handfuls of snow and, without even packing them into snowballs, charged at Evan. 

“You- hey!” Evan yelped as he stumbled back, barely keeping his footing. 

When Connor tried to hurl the loose snow at him, Evan jumped to the side, kicking the snow at Connor with his boot. It threw his balance off, and sent him stumbling into a snowbank, but it also surprised Connor, and he tried to turn towards Evan too quickly. Evan’s snickers turned into open-mouthed laughter as Connor went skidding along an especially slick patch of ice, only to eventually trip and fall hands first into the opposite snowbank. 

While Connor was trying to recover from his less than graceful fall, Evan took the extra second to scramble to his feet and sneak up behind him. It was a low blow, to attack when Connor wasn’t looking, but it gave Evan the chance to gather loose snow together so that right before Connor stood up again, Evan dumped a good amount of the stuff on Connor’s head. 

Unfortunately, Connor turned around a second faster than Evan calculated, so the snow didn’t just fall on Connor’s hair, it caught on his nose, his mouth, his shoulders, his entire face. 

“Oh- oh my god, I’m so- I’m so sorry!” Evan froze up, hands over his mouth as he stared at Connor, who’s hair was hanging limply as pieces of snow fell from each wet strand. 

They stared at each other, both unmoving, until suddenly, Connor’s foot shot out and hooked around Evan’s ankle. Before Evan even realized what had happened, he was back on his butt in the snow, staring up at Connor, who crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. 

“Okay! Okay. You win,” Evan tried, raising both hands in surrender. Connor waited for a beat, then stepped back and offered a hand to Evan. Evan took it, and carefully pulled himself up back on two feet. He let go as soon as he was standing, even if he still wanted that single point of contact. 

“Back to the house?” he offered, and Connor nodded. 

“Sounds good.”

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Connor followed Evan back to his house, smiling more than he’d like to admit. A comfortable silence had fallen over them as they walked, salt and snow and gravel crunching beneath their shoes. Connor kept his hands in his pockets, though his arm brushed against Evan’s every few steps. He thought about taking his hand again, but didn’t want to ruin the mood they’d worked so hard to build. 

They weren’t far from the house, so it was only a few minutes before Evan opened the door and Connor followed him in. Once inside, he slipped off his boots in record time, noting how wet his hair and jacket had gotten. He’d definitely need a shower, but had none of his things with him. It could wait until tomorrow. 

He looked at Evan, scanning him as if to silently as, ‘What’s next?’ 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan was kind of wet and simultaneously freezing from the snow, and also very hot, but that was probably his blush and the energy a snowball fight with Connor apparently created. He was trying to control his own grin as they walked back to his house, and he was still smiling once his boots and jacket were hanging by the door. Connor looking at him made Evan go through some split-second planning. 

"You... probably should've brought stuff… like, for a shower or to change into,” he mumbled, half to himself. "But, um- if you want, you can borrow things, I guess?" Connor was taller than him, sure, but not by so much that borrowing Evan's clothes wouldn't work. “And- uh, I can make us hot ch- uh, hot cocoa? If you still want that?"

Connor ran a hand through his hair. Evan tried not to watch as his fingers caught on several tangles. “I’ll live.” Again, Evan tried not to notice how Connor’s smile softened, but then they both looked away. Maybe that was for the best, since Evan wasn’t sure how he would react to seeing Connor in his clothes. 

“Hot cocoa sounds good, though,” Connor added, which pulled Evan back out of his thoughts. 

Evan almost stopped himself from saying anything else, but the minor confidence boost the snowball fight had apparently given him made him take his chances. 

"Will you, um, will you at least take a different jacket, or, or um, a sweatshirt? Or sweater?" He really didn't want Connor to get sick, and he was fidgeting his worry away. “Just- um, just till your hair is dry?" He tried to give Connor his most sincere smile, but it was probably a little too nervous. Still, he tried to keep his whole body relaxed and comfortable, so maybe the suggestion would feel a little less pressured. 

Connor tugged at the sleeves of his soggy jacket, pursed his lips, then nodded. “Alright.” He reached to unzip his jacket and slide it off, folding it over one of his arms and walking closer to Evan. 

Evan audibly sighed in relief. 

"Okay, thank you." He made a beeline to his room after that, with Connor following, and got his own hoodie and an extra pullover hoodie sweatshirt from his dresser. It had the logo of some nature conservatory on it and was slightly too large; a present from a well-meaning relative. 

“Um- here? I swear it's not uh, like- dirty or anything?”

Connor handed him the soaked jacket in exchange for the dry sweatshirt. He slipped it on over his damp shirt, and tugged it down to examine it as best he could. He held out his arms out a little and looked to Evan. “Does it look okay…?” 

Evan gave Connor a very quick once-over, and swallowed whatever response he could possibly say. There were too many thoughts chasing circles in his head to give a coherent, normal answer. Instead, he just gave Connor a slightly shaky double thumbs up along with yet another nervous smile.

"Hot cocoa, now?" he managed to get out, looking away from Connor and out his room's door.

Connor stuck his hands in the pockets of the hoodie, seemingly satisfied. “Sure.” 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

As they headed back downstairs and to the kitchen, Connor took a few seconds to look around the house. He’d seen pretty much everything, but hadn’t really thought about it. The living room wasn’t very large, just a TV and the couch and coffee table, plus the stand-up piano in the corner that took up a good amount of space. He took an extra second to let his gaze linger on it, and tried to think of a nonchalant way to worm it into the conversation they weren’t having. 

Instead, he turned back towards the kitchen with Evan. 

While Evan busied himself with getting milk and mugs, Connor leaned against the counter and half spaced out, half-watched Evan. He watched as Evan measured out two mugs of milk, then poured them into a pot, which he set on the stove. After turning up the heat, he just stood there, staring at it, almost entirely still. 

Connor’s focus slowly slipped, until Evan spoke. 

“I should’ve just… uh, put this in the microwave.” He gave Connor a quick, apologetic shrugs as he started to carefully pour the milk back into the mugs again to stick them in the microwave. “I’m- I guess I’m a little distracted.” 

Connor looked up from the nonspecific place on the floor he’d been staring at, a little startled. “Hm? Oh, uh- it’s okay.” He paused, then pushed on. “What’s on your mind?” 

Evan took a moment to finish pouring the rest of the milk into the second mug, then set the first one in the microwave and turned it on. “I uh…” Connor watched as he twisted his hands together in front of his chest, then hid them behind his back. “I’m… not used to uh, to having a friend over, I guess?” 

The words made Conor’s heart skip a beat, specifically over that _f_ word. Obviously they were friends, they had been for a bit now, but something about the way Evan said it… He shifted nervously. In all fairness, Connor hadn’t had a friend over since elementary school. 

Not knowing what to say to make it easier, he just hummed in response. 

Together, they watched the first mug rotate slowly in the microwave, until the ding went off, and Evan was quick to pull the mug out.

“Do you, uh, do you want to mix in your own cocoa powder?” He slid the mug towards Connor, along with the cocoa powder tin and a spoon. “I just- um, I don’t want to make it too sweet.” 

Connor just stared at the container for a delayed minute, as if waiting for it to serve itself. But after a moment, he took his hands out of his pockets and popped open the lid. After mixing a few scoops into the mug, he slid it back to Evan. “Thank you.” 

Evan smiled at him briefly, then stuck the second mug into the microwave. After another few seconds and another ding, Evan took his mug and mixed in more cocoa powder, then picked up the mug with both hands and turned to Connor. Connor mirrored him, and they both just looked at each other as indirectly as was possible for the moment. 

“Um- is there… anything you want to do?” Evan eventually asked. 

Connor sipped his drink, then looked to the living room. There weren’t many other options, but he really didn’t want things to get tense again. Still, the space left few options, so he exhaled, relaxing his shoulders and hoping Evan would match him. “The TV is fine.” 

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Evan made his way to the couch slowly, not wanting to spill the hot chocolate. He was silently grateful that Connor mentioned it, otherwise he would’ve had a minor freak out trying to decide what to do. He set his hot mug down on the table and grabbed a blanket so he could wrap himself up and sit on the couch with his knees to his chest. This time he didn’t sit quite so close to the end in some half-hearted attempt by his subconscious to sit closer to Connor. Except now he was bundled in blanket and couldn’t reach his hot cocoa, which he kind of just stared forlornly at, too shy to ask Connor to grab it for him. It didn’t really work. 

“So…” Connor broke the silence, and Evan’s gaze snapped to him. “Who here plays piano?” 

Evan looked between the piano and Connor, then back again. He’d almost mentioned he played when Connor first was in his house, but there weren’t many ways to say it unprompted without sounding like he was bragging. 

“Um… Mom put me through, uh…” he tried and failed to mentally count the years of lessons. “Well, she had a friend who um, who taught for… a few years? And, or, well, but then she uh, she moved, so- mom could only afford, uh… a year or two of lessons?” He fidgeted with the blanket, looking anywhere but Connor. “I still uh, I play sometimes, I guess? But not much. Yeah. Sorry, that was… a long answer.” If Evan could, he would glue his mouth shut to stop talking. He could feel Connor looking at him, but didn’t meet his gaze. 

“That’s cool,” Connor finally said, tone neutral. Evan did not relax. “My um, my sister, she plays guitar.” 

As much as he wanted to,  Evan knew that asking about Connor's sister probably wouldn't go well. He needed to say something else to divert the conversation, but his mind was pretty blank. 

"I could play for you!" he blurted, and regretted it the second the words passed between his lips. 

“I mean, not _for_ you, just, uh... Like, I could play. And you could be there. And- and Mom’s always telling me to- to uh, to push myself? So, uh.." He really wished he could shut up, but it was hard to stop the rambling once it started. "I mean, I haven't even played in ages, so I'm uh, not- I’m not great, but.. yeah. Uh. Sorry." He leaned over and grabbed his hot cocoa and shut himself up by taking a sip. It was just cool enough that it didn’t burn his tongue, but still made him wince. 

Connor took another slow sip, and Evan tried to ignore his gaze. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it made Evan’s skin crawl in, if it was possible, a good way. Finally, Connor looked away. 

“I’d like that,” he laughed. 

For some reason, Evan hadn't expected Connor to actually agree. Listening to someone play piano wasn't exactly the most exciting thing, and it wasn't like Evan was even very good. But now he had to figure out _when_ Connor wanted him to play, if he actually _was_ serious. So after a long pause, he turned halfway to look at Connor for half a second before looking away. It was all he could handle. 

"Um-" he started, barely above a whisper. "Are you, uh, serious? And, um.. if you are.. when?” Why the words felt so heavy, Evan couldn’t say, only that the moment felt… important. It felt important enough he really didn’t want to screw it up. 

Connor tucked a strand of loose hair behind his ear and shrugged. “Whenever?” 

"That's-" the least helpful answer Connor could've given, and Evan's thrum of nerves were still kind of loud in the back of his head, but he would deal with it. For this, whatever it was, he could deal with it. 

"Um, okay. Well, uh-just. Tell me? If you.. want to hear some uh, some really bad songs.”

“Yeah.” 

He sipped his hot cocoa slowly, mostly to keep himself occupied. He should probably move away to be a little farther from Connor before the whole moment overwhelmed him, but he... didn't. This whole thing was turning out better than it could have, especially for how weird the whole situation was. 

Another pause hung over them, and Evan scrambled to think of something to say. Silence could only last for so long. But Connor beat him to it. 

“So, uh,” he started, then stopped again. “Thanks for having me over…” It was hesitant, but Connor sounded… soft, in a way. Evan smiled down at his mug. 

"Oh, uh- yeah! No problem! I mean, you're welcome." He stared into his hot chocolate and blamed his own light blush on the steam rising from the mug. "I, uh- thanks for staying? Over, I mean. Because, uh… it's nice. Having you… around." Smooth, eloquent, really well put.

Connor tipped his head back to finish off his hot cocoa, then reached over to set the mug on the table in front of them. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, which should’ve been gross, but it… wasn’t. All Evan could think about was now if _he_ wiped his mouth on the same sleeve, it would be like sharing a drink, only worse, which was what everyone called an indirect kiss, and… Evan needed to focus back on reality. 

Connor sat back, and Evan watched him from the corner of his eye. “Yeah, it uh… I’m glad I got to come,” Connor said, and Evan smiled. He was pretty glad, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> know that jared is written by 2 ppl who adore him even if he kinda sucks we LOVE him ok
> 
> whatre yall up to in quarantine bc i'm losing my mind to boredom BUT it means i finally had the time to edit this chapter  
> im [4hoots](https://4hoots.tumblr.com/) on tumblr !!

**Author's Note:**

> so this was an rp w a friend that we finished... almost a year ago. the draft is completed and comes to a whopping total of over 380k, but we'll see what changes in the rewrite! suffice to say, it's looong. and the slow burn? good luck.  
> also. originally, connor lived in LA.... so if theres weird bits i missed while editing, let me know :"") it's a lot to rewrite  
> anyway.  
> if u wanna find me on tumblr, im 4hoots!!  
> (if yall see any errors... lemme know. bc god help me im blind to my own spelling mistakes)  
> (and no, this isn't a dogfight au. the title just... it Fits.)


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